I don’t know why Warner Bros. was being so cryptic in its advertising for “Winter’s Tale.”
It’s a story as old as time, really.
Boy meets Girl. Girl is dying of consumption. Boy has a miracle inside of him that could save Girl, but a demon is hell-bent on keeping him from using that miracle, even though Boy is being protected by a flying white horse who’s really his guardian angel, so the demon ends up headbutting Boy into the next century.
“Winter’s Tale” is the bat-excrement craziest major motion picture that in no way involves Nicholas Sparks to come along in quite a while. And it’s worth every penny of the admission price, even if you just sit in the back row and giggle to yourself. “Winter’s Tale” honestly has to be seen to be believed.
It’s a shame, because Colin Farrell, as the miracle vessel Peter, is quite good, continuing the interesting career chapter he opened with “Saving Mr. Banks.” And “Downton Abbey’s” Jessica Brown Findlay is angelic as the consumptive heroine, Beverly.
Anyway, excluding a few real humdingers that involve major spoilers, here are eight of “Winter’s Tale’s” head-scratchingest moments:
1) As an infant, Peter’s parents are denied entry into the U.S., so they put him in a model ship and drop him into the sea in the hopes he’ll wash ashore in America.
2) “The sicker I become,” Beverly says, “the more clearly I can see that everything is connected by light.”
3) The demon Pearly (Russell Crowe) offers a $500 bounty for Peter, and another $500 for the horse. “That’s a lot for a horse,” his lackey says. “That’s because,” Pearly responds, “it’s not a horse, it’s a dog.”
4) The only thing Peter can think of to call the horse is Horse.
5) Peter escapes to the countryside north of New York. Pearly: “We can’t follow him up there.” Lackey: “Why not?” Pearly: “The rules.”
6) Beverly’s father, Isaac (William Hurt), randomly argues with Peter over whether to pronounce the “t” in “fillet,” with Isaac taking the affirmative.
7) Peter: “Is it possible to love someone so much they cannot die?” Isaac: “No.”
8) And, when he’s afflicted with a bout of amnesia, Peter delivers this instant classic: “I’ve had no memory for as long as I can remember.”