Adam Carolla detests electronic dance music so much, he calls it a “scourge” now ruining customers’ good times in “every sports bar, every airport, every restaurant in America.”
“I went to Gilley’s, the cowboy bar in Treasure Island,” the comedian-podcaster said. “Chicks are all wearing chaps and cowboy hats, and they’ve got the Rihanna pumping in the background.
“I just thought, ‘We’ve officially lost this war.’ This is supposed to be a simulation of a honky-tonk, and they’re pumping electronic-chick music into it. That’s it. It’s over.”
Carolla will return to Gilley’s at 7 p.m. Friday to meet fans of his bottled Mangria cocktail.
At 9 p.m. Friday, Carolla and the cast of his popular “The Adam Carolla Show” will perform at Treasure Island Theatre. Afterward, he will head to Crazy Horse III strip club for another Mangria event.
There’s no accounting for taste: I would prefer to hear Deadmau5 to Tim McGraw even in Gilley’s (or especially in Gilley’s). But I do think Carolla has an excellent point about businesses not tailoring music to the people paying for beer.
“I’ve literally been in sports bars in Detroit where it’s just me and two 40-something-year-old dudes sitting around, and they’re just pumping Britney Spears or Selena Gomez” songs overhead, he said.
“You know who likes that music? My 8-year-old daughter — but she doesn’t spend a lot of time in Detroit sports bars,” he said.
Personally, I have a bigger issue with restaurants and bars that show only sports on TVs. I told Carolla: Why can’t TV restaurants also show movies and TV shows with the closed caption on?
“I agree with you,” he said, but he had an even better old-world idea.
“I feel like going out to dinner used to be entertainment enough. Like, ‘Hey, we’re going to go out, and we’re going to talk, and someone’s going to bring us food. This is going to be awesome,’ ” he said.
“Now it’s like, ‘What are we going to do while we go out for dinner?’ It’s similar to my feeling about us dumping blue cheese on good steak. I like steak flavor.”
I informed Carolla — because I knew it would bug him into a joke — there is a restaurant in London where waiters serve food on tables and then hold lights above customers’ plates, so diners may snap perfect photos for social media.
“So,” Carolla said, “food has to have its 15 minutes of fame? Andy Warhol could not have foreseen this.” (For you young readers, pop artist Warhol popularized the expression, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.”)
“Andy Warhol,” Carolla said, “also could have never foreseen the 15 minutes lasting into season 11 of ‘The Kardashians.’ ”
Seriously, the Kardashians have redefined the term “half-life.”
“Remember when there used to be flash-in-the-pans? One-hit wonders?” Carolla said. “They just came and went. One minute, you were talking about John Wayne Bobbitt, and the next minute you forgot who he was. I miss those days.”
“Now those are the A-listers,” I said.
“God bless ’em,” he said and made another good point.
“I tell everyone this,” Carolla said. “If you ever question anything about this country, let’s just focus on the Kardashians. First off, they’re not blue-eyed white people. They’re Armenian or whatever they are. They have zero discernible talent, times 11 of them, and yet, they’re all multimillionaires.
“How did they do it? Hard work.”
But he can still find fault with the Kardashians because of their projection of shallow, empty, vapid, vacuous vacuum-ness.
“They’re like a food cart with no food in it,” Carolla said.
“They tricked out that food cart,” I said.
“They did,” Carolla said. “They just forgot to pack the beans and sausage.”
Doug Elfman’s column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.