“I was in a really good relationship with a guy who was super trustworthy, and loving, and sweet. And I was like, ‘You’re making me less money. Can you please cheat on me, or lie to me, or something, so I can get some jokes?’”
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It was springtime in 2008, and Robin Williams was informing me he had new genital jokes to sharpen in Vegas — “Those are always good to test out” — and then, manic and sharp, he told me many jokes about his addictions at the time: video games, politics, and making people laugh.
From my cushy, curvy booth in glitzy Fizz lounge, my eyes feasted on this room of high-art photographs, glass beads, chrome, gold, crushed velvet and wood. What is this saturated vision, Elton John’s home parlor from 1977?
“Anytime I didn’t get asked out by someone, I don’t go to, ‘It’s because I’m overweight.’ It’s because, ‘Wow, they didn’t think I was worthy.’ I don’t blame them.”
Kathy Griffin will record her next comedy album, “Kathy Griffin: Live from Las Vegas,” on Saturday at The Mirage. She gave me that news, in between putting clown noses on Britney Spears, Celine Dion and Bruce Jenner.
Only two comedians in America have so many fans they regularly sell out arenas. They are Chris Rock and Russell Peters, who lives in Henderson, and whose mom lives by the soon-to-open SLS hotel.
Wendy Liebman is so funny and successful, she could be a judge on a TV talent show. Instead, she’s a contestant on “America’s Got Talent” this season.
“We have every toy. It’s not healthy how many times an adult has seen that movie,” Spears said.
The “Best Ink” TV star is pretty, fun, and she has a dead person’s bones implanted in her mouth. Wait, what-now?
You used to be able to live a nice, happy life. But then, you saw “Jaws,” “Psycho,” “Gremlins,” “Carrie” and all those other movies that instilled a lifelong, irrational fear of swimming pools, closets and trucker duels.
What’s inspiring former Bauhaus frontman Peter Murphy these days? “Everything and anything,” Murphy said. “I tend to stay away from music. It’s environmental, personal, friendships, observation of life and others’ lives, and the muse will come to me.
A woman went to a meet-and-greet for the band Boston recently and she told the group, “This is show No. 114 for me.” Boston guitarist Gary Pihl thought, “Wow, that’s more shows than my wife’s been to.”
Trivia time. Who co-wrote “Rainbow Connection” for the Muppets, “Evergreen” for Barbara Streisand, the theme song for “The Love Boat,” and lyrics for Daft Punk’s album of the year? This guy.
“I couldn’t believe how dark my life was. Throughout all that darkness, I always wanted to see. I always wanted to do something with my life. I just was struggling to find what.”
Iliza Shlesinger should be America’s Czar Against Phone Companies, after she used her celebrity to Twitter-fry mobile corporations, as we all want to do.
She’s got a black belt in taekwondo. She once lived in a women’s shelter. Now she’s Miss USA. How much butt can one woman kick?
“The last time I was in Vegas, I got a permanent scar on my forehead. I thought I was fighting somebody, but somebody told me I was fighting the carpet.”
“My Dad’s name is Jamie, my Mom’s name is Lynne, so I guess they got really clever and named me Jamie Lynn.”
I agreed with comedian Christopher Titus the minute he said this: “I’m always afraid to meet reality stars. About 90 percent of the time, every reality star I have met was a raging (expletive). I mean, people that make Courtney Love look like a sweetheart.”
Sammy Hagar will rock a last-minute beach party Wednesday at the Hard Rock Hotel, and he will be joined by his “favorite party partner” from Van Halen.
Ne-Yo, the man with the golden voice, sounds like an unofficial spokesman for Las Vegas. He went to Las Vegas Academy and Rancho High School. He will sing Thursday at Encore Beach Club’s nighttime pool party.
I approached NeNe Leakes in the lobby of “Zumanity.” She sat tall in her latex costume and Christian Louboutin heels. We were surrounded by a phalanx of “Real Housewives” cameras, microphones and crew workers.
“If you go to a real hardcore show, they’re doing this wild, swinging-punching thing.”
“I know all about discrimination in the South. We faced it a lot back in the early days of the Allman Brothers. A bunch of long-hairs running around with a black guy?”
Jay Mohr tells me he signed a new contract to stay on through 2015 at the South Point, where he performs this Friday through Sunday. That means the actor-comedian also signed up his wife, actress Nikki Cox of NBC’s old “Las Vegas,” to keep writing jokes for Vegas audiences.