Norm MacDonald takes act, betting stakes to Vegas

Norm Macdonald bet on tens of thousands of hands while gambling online. So when Internet gambling died, he was left with a lot of time to kill.

"It leaves a big God-sized hole in your computer, once that goes away. You've gotta figure out how to use those six hours a day," he says.

"I went to (online) porn for a while, and then very quickly became inured to it. I backed way off it, because it's hard to go back to a regular life after that crazy stuff."

So I can give you two reasons to see Macdonald's stand-up gigs Friday and Saturday at The Orleans.

No. 1: He's one of the funniest comics alive.

No. 2: He plans to gamble hard in Vegas, therefore he will repurpose your ticket-money by reinvesting it in Vegas' gambling economy.

"I'll probably bet my stupid future bets" here this weekend, Macdonald says.

"I like future bets, because I have a bet going at all times. Even when I'm not gambling, I'm gambling.

"It's like a slow drip."

For instance, he'll probably place a future bet on the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Super Bowl.

"And then, every time I see a little (news) with the Eagles, I can get excited or depressed."

Macdonald could also gamble with money he is earning as the spokesman for a car insurance company.

Do you know what's funny about that? Macdonald, a Canadian living in California, has never gotten a driver's license.

"I know, that's so weird," he says and laughs. "When I went to do their commercials, they had a couple where I was driving a car. I had to tell them I didn't drive a car."

He once made a movie with Dave Chappelle, and Macdonald had to film a scene where he was driving, but that caused issues.

"I couldn't drive a car, so they hooked it up to the back of a truck," he says. "And then I fell asleep. The director didn't even see it until they were looking at the dailies.

"And then when I do the moves on the steering wheel, the moves are so exaggerated, it looks ridiculous."

The obvious next question is: What does Macdonald show people when they ask to see his personal ID? Answer: green card.

"It puzzles them. It looks like I'm a federal agent or something."

Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Email him at He blogs at