‘Virtua Tennis 4’ dumb, boring, frustrating
I can't in good conscience recommend "Virtua Tennis 4," unless you're a severe fanatic of tennis video games. You know why? Because you should never ask, "Where's the tennis?" in a tennis game.
Oh, there's tennis in it. And the tennis is decent when it happens. But if you play the create-a-player mode, you don't get to play a linear tour of one match after another.
Nope, instead of letting you play a series of full matches, you have to play a board game. Yes, I said a board game, as in: You must move a pawn across a board that looks like "Risk."
You land on board-game spots that make you play mini-tennis games; or spots that injure you; or spots where you meet fans off screen. You don't even see fans. The game just tells you that you met them. Dumb.
In one minigame, a tennis ball machine spits balls at you, and you have to return the ball in such a way that you hit giant playing cards. In another minigame, you swing your racket to knock soccer balls into a net guarded by an automated goalie. Borrring.
The worst: When you do play tennis, your player gets very fatigued, very fast. The only consistent way to revitalize your health is during the board game -- if you get lucky enough to land on a restful hotel. Riii-diculous.
When I do play actual tennis, computer rivals are superb, and I end up volleying for two minutes. That's dull.
And I can hit the ball out of court, losing a point. But the computer player never hits "out." That is obscenely frustrating.
I quit "Virtua Tennis 4" to play more of "Pac-Man & Galaga Dimensions," a new throwback game for the Nintendo 3DS.
"Pac-Man & Galaga Dimensions" comes with the old "Pac-Man" and "Galaga" arcade games, plus a few new iterations of those classics.
My favorite game within "Dimensions" is "Pac-Man Championship Edition." It looks and sounds like the old "Pac-Man." But instead of having fixed dots for Pac-Man to gobble up, dots appear suddenly on grids that change suddenly.
So you'll be eating dots, eluding ghosts, when the whole board changes shape while new dots pop up in various spots. "Championship Edition" moves very quickly and revitalizes "Pac-Man" from the grave.
Another game within the game, "Galaga Legions," is similarly a beefed-up version of the original "Galaga." You fire laser beams, while rival ships zip all around you. It's like playing a laser-light show.
However, I don't understand why "Pac-Man Championship Edition DX" isn't included. "DX" is even more fun, and it's downloadable from Xbox Live for $10.
By the way, why in the world is "Pac-Man & Galaga Dimensions" rated "E 10+" for fantasy violence -- keeping it from kids younger than 10? I swear, the ratings people at the Entertainment Software Ratings Board are the most overprotective nannies ever.
("Pac-Man & Galaga Dimensions" by Namco Bandai Games America retails for $40 for 3DS -- Plays fun. Looks good. Challenging. Rated "E 10+" for comic mischief and fantasy violence. Three stars out of four.)
("Virtua Tennis 4" by Sega retails for $50 for Xbox 360 and PS 3; $40 for Wii -- Plays just decent. Looks good. Very challenging. Rated "E" for comic mischief. One and one-half stars.)
Contact Doug Elfman at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.
NEW IN STORES
This is the slowest summer for new video game releases I've ever seen. So let's take a cursory look ahead at release dates for highly anticipated blockbuster sequels for the rest of 2011.
1. "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" for PS 3, Xbox 360 and PC -- This will be the most clamored-for game of the winter, partly for the first-person-shooting solo campaign, but largely for the online multiplayer. The Nov. 8 release has a rating pending.
2. "Max Payne 3" for PS 3, Xbox 360 and PC -- Some of us have waited eight years for this sequel, although: A) It's being turned into a giant adventure-shooter by the makers of "Grand Theft Auto"; B) The setting is moving from atmospherically noire New York to Sao Paulo, Brazil; And C), the original writer of the series is gone. The Dec. 1 release has a rating pending.
3. "Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception" for PS 3 -- After the spectacular "Uncharted 2," the Indiana Jones-ish Nathan Drake journeys to an Arabian desert and a lost city for action-adventure. The Nov. 1 release has a rating pending.
4. "Twisted Metal" for PS 3 -- This reboot of the once-amazing series lets you drive an ice cream truck, 18-wheelers and other intense vehicles, not on tracks, but across chaotic city environments while firing rockets and other weapons at rival cars. The Oct. 4 release has a rating pending. 5. "Star Wars: The Old Republic" for PC -- It's another massive multiplayer online role-playing fantasy, this one set 300 years after "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic." The TBA-dated release has a rating pending.
6. "Madden NFL '12" for PS 3, Xbox 360, Wii, PS 2 and PSP -- This could be a stellar "Madden," if the excellence of "NCAA Football 2012" is any indication. The Aug. 30 release is rated "E."
7. "Battlefield 3" for PS 3, Xbox 360 and PC -- Return to war shooting with a solo battle campaign and, more significantly for hard-core gamers, the online multiplayer. The Oct. 25 release has a rating pending.
8. "Batman: Arkham City" for PS 3, Xbox 360 and PC -- A sprawling action-adventure follow-up to "Batman: Arkham Asylum." You're Batman. The Oct. 18 release is rated "T."
9. "The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" for PS 3, Xbox 360 and PC -- A role-playing action fantasy set 200 years after "The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion." The Nov. 11 release has a rating pending.
10. "Gears of War 3" for Xbox 360 -- This ties up the "Gears" trilogy of post-apocalyptic battle shooting. It comes with new playable female heroes and new four-person cooperative mode. The Sept. 20 release is rated "M."
TOP GAMES
Here are the Top 10 best-selling video games, according to GameStop.com.
1. "Star Wars: The Old Republic Online Collector's Edition" (EA) pre-order for holiday release for PC; rating pending
2. "Star Wars: The Old Republic Online" pre-order for PC
3. "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" (Activision) pre-order for Nov. 8 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3 and PC; rating pending
4. "Battlefield 3: Limited Edition" (EA) pre-order for Oct. 25 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, PC; rating pending
5. "Assassin's Creed Revelations: Signature Edition" (Ubisoft) pre-order for Nov. 15 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, PC; rating pending
6. "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" pre-order for PS 3
7. "Battlefield 3: Limited Edition" pre-order for PS 3
8. "Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary Edition" (Microsoft) pre-order for Nov. 15 release for Xbox 360; rating pending
9. "The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" (Bethesda Softworks) pre-order for November release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, PC; rating pending
10. "Assassin's Creed Revelations: Signature Edition" pre-order for PS 3
(Ratings: "E" for "Everyone"; "T" for "Teen"; "M" for "Mature 17+")
