I asked Bob Saget why he isn't dead yet. It's not that I think he should die. It just seems as if the comedy lifestyle kills a lot of comics too soon.
So, what differentiates Saget from comedians who succumb to early departures?
"You mean the negative death road?" Saget, 55, said. "I don't believe in it. I really hate it."
He has lost good friends in stand-up -- Sam Kinison, Richard Jeni, Bill Hicks, and on and on. Those deaths really upset him.
"It's a sin anytime you see someone go before their time," said Saget, who performs Friday-Saturday at The Orleans.
"There's a twisted sadness that comes with comedy. I'm never gonna go down that path. I'm a positive person," he said. "There are too many things I want to do.
"After this interview, I'm gonna do a cartwheel in the nude in front of my house and land on a rain bird."
Positivity runs in his family.
"My dad was a very positive person and watched all of his brothers die and buried them all. I mean, he didn't watch them die, he killed them," he joked.
Saget does worry he might die by mistake.
"I'm an awkward sort. I have accidents," he said.
While nude on vacation a few weeks ago, he fell through metal bars surrounding a Jacuzzi.
"I thought I broke my leg," he said. "It'd be fun to film me just to watch me get hurt."
Saget is taking new jokes to The Orleans. He's been working on an hour of material for the past few years. It's half-musical comedy.
But his new hour isn't as dirty as his previous stand-ups -- even though he's still known for starring in the "G"-rated "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos."
"I'm not as blue as I was, for some reason," he said and joked: "It's still 'R'-rated. It's about a 40-minute disclaimer and a half-hour of material."
A few years ago, he was doing shows for college kids who were drawn in by his filthy performance in "The Aristocrats."
His crowds are more varied now.
"My audience is wild," he said. "It goes from people with fake IDs to people that only have minutes to live."
Anyway, Saget hopes he has decades to live. He's doing exercises to help him reach old age.
"I still enjoy a martini. I like a cigar every now and then. But," he said, "I'm in pretty good shape. I'm working on a three-pack" of abs.
"I owe it to Pilates. I'm not even joking, which is really sad, since I'm still falling through Jacuzzi holes. I'm not sure what I've accomplished."
Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.