If you're a woman, dressing up for Halloween brings obvious fallback choices. You can go as a sexy something -- sexy nurse, sexy cat, sexy pirate, sexy Marie Antoinette -- just be sexy.
For men, it's a totally different equation. To be sexy, you have to be in good shape. That takes months, or a lifetime, of exercising and eating right.
Then you wear, well, I don't know what. I never know what.
So I asked Carmen Electra what she'd like to see me wearing. (She's so sexy, she's planning on costuming in latex. In other words, she's dressing up as Even Sexier Carmen Electra.)
And she says about men: Wear whatever costume you'd like, and women will dig it as long as you own your style.
"Women are open to guys dressing up as anything," she says.
"If you want to be an extra-manly man, go as a cop, or a fighter, or a comic-book hero."
But remember. This is the woman who was married to Dennis Rodman, who flashes outrageous outfits on a daily basis. So, she adds:
"There are so many funny costumes, as well. Some guys like to dress up as a rock star -- or as a girl. For Halloween, it's all good," she says. "Just go for it. That's what it's all about."
OK, with that in mind, here comes the annual Fetish & Fantasy Halloween Ball.
If you go, expect to see a lot of sexy pirates, superheroes, milkmaids, ghouls, spacemen, devils and Catholic school girls. Assumed: Women wear as little as possible, as do some men.
Last year, 7,200 people paid to get into the event at the Hard Rock Hotel's Joint.
It's moved locations. This Saturday, starting at 9:30 p.m., the crazies pay $44 to $88 to get in at South Point.
A lot of the extravagance of the event, though, resides with side performers doing things salaciously. Women will set fire to devices erupting from their boobs, for instance.
There will be S&M fetish performers, fire breathers, pole dancers, stilt walkers, aerialists, and a mechanical banana (just like a bucking bull).
As a laser light show flashes overhead, actual headliners are serious business. This year's lineup:
■ Mix Master Mike: the greatest living turntablist, and he's the famous music maker for The Beastie Boys. He also has a home in Vegas with his wife.
■ Donald Glaude: the crowd-moving electronic DJ.
■ HybriDigital Shiny Toy Guns: guitar-electronic music with girl-on-girl cirque performers.
■ Darude: the DJ whose 1999 song "Sandstorm" is still a legendary classic of the genre.
■ And electronic DJs Skribble, Scooter & LaVelle, and Bambu.
I recommend the ball if you're a fan of lights and lasers flashing in your eyes while mingling with a mass of happy, costumed sexies.
I don't recommend it if you're not.
Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.