COLUMN: Albert Johns

     My friend Barney McFrump was pontificating to his friends at the town grocery store about what has gone wrong with the nation.
      "Growing up in Ireland, I thought it was love that made the world go 'round," he said. "With spring a week away, I've been thinking about it.
      "But then here again, we Americans have a national debt between $5.2 trillion and $5.3 trillion. With us being the richest country on earth, this is still a big deal."
      Chewing a piece of straw in his mouth, he glanced at Clem Clancy and Muleskinner Ryan. They were sucking on beers in preparation for St. Patrick's Day on Monday.
      "Y'see," Barney continued, "the interest on that $5.2 trillion-plus with all the zeros behind it costs us $300 billion interest every year. Rich 'r not, I don't see us paying that off in the next century 'r so."
      Removing the straw, Barney added, "If we really want to get rid of that debt, instead of a balanced budget amendment, we should call a Constitutional convention, repeal the whole Constitution and reinstate the Articles of Confederation.
      "That's what we had after we knocked off the redcoats in the Revolutionary War."
      He leaned forward in the rocker on the grocery store porch. "Under the articles, there was no chief executive, y'know no president. There wasn't any taxes except when Congress assembled for a few days each year, and then each of the states pitched in whatever it took to run things for the next year."
      Barney stopped the rocker's motion. "Think of it, men, no president, no taxes and no reason to even have a national debt.
      "That would be as good as when St. Pat drove the snakes outta Ireland. Then the Little People came out and saw to it that the potatoes grew, which led to the making of our good old Irish whiskey. That was prosperity."
      Clem chimed in, "But how do ya pay off the national debt?"
      Barney stared at him as though he had committed the sin of all sins. "You just print up all the money you need, give it to those you owe it, then say, `You're all paid off. Now we've canceled the Constitution and we are all under the Articles of Confederation.' "
      "Yeah, but if you've wiped out the federal government, what good's the money?" asked Muleskinner.
      "Who cares?" said Barney. "They're all paid, and now we establish our new system for minting and coining. No more national debt, no more interest, no more White House and even Congress is part time."
      He grinned at them. "Ya know, it isn't love that makes the world go 'round. I just figured it out. It's the love of money. Bring us all another beer Clem. We'll drink this one to St. Patrick and to all the Little People."
      -- Southern Nevada Retired Teachers will meet at 11:30 a.m. Wednesday in the second-floor dining room of Southern Nevada Vocational-Technical Center, 5700 Mountain Vista St. Call before noon Monday for reservations: 453-2163 or 438-9993.
      -- The Clark County Chapter of the National Council of Senior Citizens will meet at 10 a.m. Wednesday at the Clark County Library, 1401 E. Flamingo Road.
      -- Dr. Timothy Kelly will discuss arthritis at a Columbia Sunrise Senior Friends meeting at noon Tuesday at Green Valley Resource Center, 2809 Green Valley Parkway. Phone 434-6500 for reservations.
      -- Techniques for dealing with stress will be the topic at 1:30 p.m. Wednesday at the Sunrise Chapter office of Senior Friends, 3101 S. Maryland Parkway, Suite 214. Phone 735-5510 for reservations.