Family Court: Putting children first

      Twice each week, Laura Birholtz and Paul Wulkan face a classroom full of reluctant students: parents attending a court-mandated seminar called "Children Cope With Divorce."
      "People come in and they've got this attitude like it's driving school," said Birholtz, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "I would guess over 90 percent go out saying 'thank you.' Very rarely do we have anyone who stays disgruntled."
      Birholtz and Wulkan, a licensed clinical social worker, were married two years ago. Both have children from first marriages that ended in divorce.
      Clark County judges began requiring the class in March 1994 for all parties in divorce, custody and paternity cases that involve children under the age of 18. Since that time, more than 14,000 people have attended.
      Family Court Judge Gerald Hardcastle learned about court-mandated parenting programs in 1993 and encouraged his colleagues to implement one in Clark County. The judges agreed to send a proposed District Court rule to the state Supreme Court, which later approved the requirement.
      "I'm a strong believer that education is the answer for a lot of the problems we have," Hardcastle said.
      The Family Court judges adopted a program from Atlanta, called "families first," as the model for the Clark County program.
      Hardcastle said the three-hour class can free up court time by teaching parents to resolve some disputes on their own. It also spares children some of the pain that can accompany divorce, he said.
      The seminar costs $30, although judges may waive the fee for indigent parents. Program coordinator Joyce Gallina said she receives occasional complaints about the fee, but most participants give the class favorable evaluations.
      Gallina said the fee pays for instructors, security officers and the class handbook.
      "I don't think anyone's getting rich from it," she said. Each class has one or two security officers, the coordinator said, because of the "potentially volatile emotional climate."
      Gallina earned her master's degree in social work from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas in 1994. She wrote her thesis on the effectiveness of mandated parent training programs.
      In her thesis, Gallina concluded that the benefits of such programs outweigh the drawbacks. She said courts across the country continue to adopt these programs, and she offered that fact as evidence of their success.
      Peter Salem, associate director of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts in Madison, Wis., said at least 400 jurisdictions across the United States now have such programs.
      Gallina said many parents view the mandatory class, at least initially, as punishment.
      "I believe that the courts feel it is of such importance and urgency that they're willing to risk infringing on people's rights to ensure the children's interests," she said.
      Gallina said the class reminds parents to focus on the needs of their children "so that a lot of the trauma of divorce is negated."
      "People tend to be real preoccupied with their own grief, their sense of loss, their anger," the program coordinator said.
      Gallina said parents should not expect a legal seminar or a therapy session when they come to the class. However, the class may illuminate the need for counseling, she said.
      "Most people don't even realize they're in a crisis until they come into a forum like this," Gallina said.
      Three agencies provide instructors for Clark County's classes: Palo Verde Child and Family Services, Bridge Counseling Associates, and Family Consultants Ltd. Gallina said instructors must have a master's degree and undergo training on how to present the class materials.
      Birholtz, Palo Verde's executive director, earned her master's degree in marriage, family and child counseling in 1976 from the University of Santa Clara in California. In 1981, she earned her doctorate in clinical psychology from the Fielding Institute in Santa Barbara, Calif.
      She and her husband helped start the program in Clark County and have been teaching the seminar twice a week ever since. Most classes in the county have both a male and a female instructor, Birholtz said.
      "That way you get both perspectives," she said.
      Wulkan, Palo Verde's primary instructor, earned a master's degree in social work in 1967 from the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.
      A pamphlet advertising the Family Consultants seminar instructs co-parents to attend different classes, but Birholtz said she and Wulkan "actually think it's great for them to come together, if they're feeling good about each other." Bridge Counseling has no stated policy on that issue.
      Birholtz, 60, said she and her 58-year-old husband stress the theme "Marriages End; Families Don't" during their class. They recently wrote a handbook with that title for divorcing parents.
      "The better the parents adjust to the process of divorce, the better the kids are going to do," Birholtz said. "We say that over and over again."
      Birholtz and Wulkan occasionally draw on their own divorce experiences to help them teach their class.
      "You really understand what they're going through," Birholtz said. "I don't look down on people who are going through it. It's real painful."
      During a December class, Birholtz and Wulkan stood before a group of about 15 parents at the Spring Valley Library. Birholtz introduced the couple and said, "Probably the best credentials we have is we've been where you are today -- divorced with kids."
      She told her students a successful divorce can give children all the benefits they receive from a family: love, security, support, nurturing, discipline and a sense of personal identity.
      "That kid is half you, and it's half your ex," she said. "You're getting a divorce. Your child's not. Remember that."
      Wulkan offered the following principles to help guide parents through divorce:
      --When you are making decisions with the other parent about your children, do what is in the best interest of the children.
      --Children who have frequent and free access to both parents make the best adjustment to divorce.
      --Involve your children in decisions to the degree that the children can be involved.
      --Establish routines as much as possible with children in both homes.
      Wulkan later recounted the sadness and bitterness he felt after his first wife informed him she wanted a divorce. He urged the parents in his class to overcome those emotions and use their divorces as an opportunity to make their lives better.
      Now, he said, "My life is as full and rich as I could wish to make it."
      John Mele, a 43-year-old Las Vegas man who attended the seminar, said he agrees with the judges' decision to make the program mandatory. He said the class provides valid information "if you're attentive to it."
      Mele said he read books and sought counseling to help him deal with the emotions he experienced after he and his wife separated in May, so he already had knowledge about most of the issues the instructors covered.
      He said he and his wife have three children -- ages 15, 19 and 21 -- and his wife has custody of the youngest child. The man admitted he "was a little aggravated" when he learned about the class requirement.
      Jennifer Hadley, a 24-year-old Mesquite resident, said she and her husband separated in January 1996, and she has custody of the couple's 3-year-old son. Hadley said she wanted to attend the seminar and supports the decision to require the class for divorcing parents.
      "I wanted to learn how to help my son and myself go through this," she said after attending the Birholtz-Wulkan class.
      Gallina said the seminar providers offer a total of six classes each week at locations in Las Vegas and Henderson. Classes conducted in Spanish also are available.