Changing Views of Motherhood

      Some institutions never change, such as motherhood.
      Motherhood?
      Think again. Headlines in recent months show that even this hallowed institution is changing.
      Incident 1: A 63-year-old California woman gave birth for the first time -- the oldest mother on record.
      After many childless years, the woman and her husband arranged for fertility treatments. Using donor eggs and her husband's sperm, she became pregnant and safely delivered a healthy baby at 38 weeks.
      According to news reports, the mother encountered moderate but manageable complications during pregnancy. However, she deceived doctors about her age in order to obtain the fertility services, which are usually limited to women in their 50s or younger.
      Incident 2: Singer Melissa Etheridge became a mom. Etheridge -- who is a lesbian and out of the closet -- and her partner decided they wanted a child together. So the partner was inseminated. The baby now has two moms.
      While the average Las Vegan has no personal connection to these newsmakers, chances are he or she has a personal opinion about them, nonetheless. Here are some of those views, as food for thought on Mother's Day.
      Sandy Miller, wife of Nevada Gov. Bob Miller and mother of three. Megan, 7, the youngest Miller, was born when Sandy was 40:
      "I watched the 63-year-old mother with great interest. At 40, it's been a challenge. I can't imagine what it'd be like at 63. But I understand she's a youthful 63, and the grandmother is 86. So, the prognosis (for the mom's life span) is good."
      As to Etheridge, Miller added, "I think it's a private choice for each family. Certainly, it reflects changes" in how society defines motherhood.
      She noted that many Las Vegas households consist of a grandmother raising grandchildren, or a dad raising children alone.
      Katrina Brush, 22, housewife and mother of a son, 1:
      "Well, who's going to raise this child (born to the 63-year-old)? It's selfish."
      Brush predicts the mother likely will die by the time the child is 15, and warned that children "wear you out quick. They're running around and into everything. It can be emotionally draining, too."
      Joseph Brush, 25, Katrina's husband and manager for a bread company:
      There are drawbacks to having children in one's 60s, but he's against legislation forbidding physicians to treat older people for fertility.
      "I think we have too many policies, as it is," Brush said. "Typically, personal responsibility takes care of that. There's no reason to have a policy to regulate when a woman can have children."
      Heidi Neeff, 50, a casino worker and grandmother of eight:
      "That's B.S.," is how she rejected criticism that the 63-year-old is too old to be a mother. When an older man fathers a child, he is lauded for his virility.
      Not that Neeff wants a child at her age, but motherhood is fine for that 63-year-old -- who's married to a 60-year-old -- "if she's healthy and financially can take care of the child, or have someone who takes care of the child." That includes secure arrangements for the child in the event of the parents' deaths.
      On the Etheridge scenario, Neeff said, "I don't think there's anything wrong at all. The child will have twice the love. ... I don't think that gay stuff rubs off. Kids will poke fun at kids, no matter what. Every child has to be taught self-esteem, respect and pride."
      Rabbi Moshe Berger, leader of Temple Beth Sholom, a Conservative congregation:
      Giving birth at age 63 is "nice. It's wonderful for a human being to give new life. The first Jewish couple, Abraham and his wife, Sarah -- she was 96 years old when she gave birth. ... The first commandment ever given was to be fruitful and multiply."
      But Berger raised a caution, that an older would-be parent must be capable of raising the child. Sarah may have been 96 when son Isaac was born, but the Old Testament says she didn't die until after age 127.
      In contrast, Berger opposed the notion of a gay couple arranging a child's birth in order to raise it. He believes children should enter a household of "sanctity and holiness," which is granted through the rite of marriage. And marriage is limited to the union of a man and a woman in the Conservative and Orthodox traditions.
      "I'm not judging ... these people to say they are wrong," Berger continued. "But that doesn't mean that we have to accept that as the norm for our faith. We have our standards, you have yours."
      Taquanna Ellis, 20, mother of a 3-year-old:
      Late motherhood is "not common, but it's not stupid," she said. "I think it's good being raised by an older woman (because of) the growing up they've done."
      Anne Mulford, 38, spokeswoman for Southern Nevada Association of Pride, a gay activist group:
      Mulford is a lesbian, and the daughter of a lesbian who was closeted about her orientation. Unlike Mulford, Etheridge's child won't be forced to grow up harboring the secret of its mothers' sexual orientation. On the other hand, the child may well encounter flak from some peers.
      "But, the sign of the times is that children are forced to deal with many mature subjects, whether it be gangs or drugs," Mulford explained.
      As to the 63-year-old who gave birth, Mulford said, "I think it's a personal choice. It's a shame she had to lie about something about herself -- as gays and lesbians do -- because it's not acceptable to have a child after a certain age."
      Dr. Patricia Pierce, 43, a perinatalogist (who specializes in treating high-risk pregnancies) and mother of a 10-month-old:
      News of the 63-year-old mom was "reassuring" to Pierce, who underwent a fertilization technique using her eggs and her husband's sperm in order to conceive their son. If that technique hadn't worked, the couple might have opted for donor-egg technology, she said.
      There are certain health risks associated with an "older" pregnancy, including that of heart attack. But Pierce -- whose oldest pregnant patient, to date, was in her 50s -- said, in her experience, couples who seek out fertility treatment have a "major devotion to the baby. It's not interfering with the plan. It is the plan."
      Pierce does not foresee a huge demand by 60-year-olds for fertility services. Such technology simply didn't exist when the publicized 63-year-old was in her 50s.
      Randy Ray, 38, clerk, father of two and stepfather of five:
      On Etheridge, "You can't really have two moms. You can have two parents. It's going to have an influence on that kid."
      On becoming pregnant at an advanced age, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. But hers was `mechanical.' "
      His advice to both the families in question: "Love them (the babies). And don't forget they've got a life" of their own and can't just serve the parents' needs.
      Bishop Daniel Walsh, head of the local Catholic diocese:
      In both news events, the pregnancies were achieved with artificial means rather than a husband-wife relationship. In both cases, "it's the procedure that the Church's teaching is against," Walsh said.
      As to gay households raising children, Walsh said, "I believe in the plan God set up." He drew a distinction between the social value of gays adopting a child who would otherwise be in unstable foster care vs. gays arranging the conception and birth of a child to raise.
      In Walsh's view, the most important recent change in motherhood U.S.-style often earns no headlines. It involves, he said, "the poor mothers who, after three months of (maternity) leave, have to go back to work. That's the crime of our society. ... She probably won't be there when it takes its first step. That's awful. You only have one or two chances to do this (experience a child's early years). You can sell real estate any time."