Sunday, September 28, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal

VIN SUPRYNOWICZ: Just 'take the bus'

A federal employee who declined to give his name sent an e-mail to the paper a few weeks back:

"Dear traveling public:

"As one of thousands of employees of the Transportation Security Administration, it is my job to ensure that all of you arrive at your destination safely. When we ask you to remove your shoes or take your laptop out of its carrying case, it is not because we want to inconvenience you, or are singling you out because of the way you are dressed, we do these things for YOUR safety.

"We understand you might be having a bad day, but you do not have to take it out on us by making a snide remark like `you are violating my civil rights' or calling us all a `bunch of assholes.'

"If you are late arriving at the airport, then you are late, we had nothing to do with the traffic on the freeway or the lines at the ticket counter. Just remember that you do have the option of not having to go through the security screening process. If flying has turned into such an inconvenience for you, then take the bus or drive yourself back to wherever it is you came from.

"All of us in TSA were hired to protect YOU. Show some appreciation please. We are not the bad guys. We did not take anybody's life two years ago. Like I said before, do not blame us for the way things are today. Get used to the fact that our whole society is different, and will never be 'like it used to be'. You have the right to express your opinion, and so do we."

Unfortunately, we couldn't publish this pouting apologia, since it arrived without signature. But I thought I'd take a moment to respond to the anonymous author, anyway:

Dear "TSA Screener":

For the record, it's possible these complaints you're hearing about "violating civil rights" stem from the complainants having read Amendment IV to the U.S. Constitution, which specifies, "The right of the people to be secure in their persons ... papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

That's in the Constitution you swore to protect and defend, as I'm sure you know. It's the highest law of the land. No law violating it can be presumed valid.

Perhaps you would contend airline passengers voluntarily waive those rights when they decide to travel by air. If this is indeed a matter of voluntarily private contract, can you confirm that individual airlines are free to offer competing "no-search" commercial flights if they wish? What assurance of this can the TSA provide? How would an airline executive go about offering such a service -- perhaps inviting his or her passengers to bring their own firearms aboard, instead, as was legal all the way up into the 1970s?

You say, "We do these things for YOUR safety." How safe were the victims of 9/11 after all the airport searches conducted that day? Do you really believe there would have been as many deaths that day if all American airline passengers had remained free to carry aboard the firearms they're guaranteed under the Second and 14th amendments (as they peacefully did for decades) -- the very firearms of which you're now retained to deprive us?

Think your current procedures would stop someone from carrying a plastic box-cutter onto one of those planes, tomorrow? (In fact, federal investigators checked, just last week. They were able to get through all your "Please remove your shoes" nonsense with box-cutters taped to their bodies inside their clothes, no problem. Weren't they? And we're paying you guys how many billions?)

Meantime, I'm sure our readers will be glad to learn they "have a right to express their opinion," just like you, and that if they want to avoid searches of their persons and bags they can "take the bus."

Are you now authorized to assure us, on behalf of the TSA, that no one boarding a commercial bus in this country will henceforth face similar searches of their bags or persons? (We know they've already expanded "drug," "terrorist" and "immigration" searches to the trains, so thank heavens the buses are still exempt ... you wouldn't be fibbing to us about that, would you?)

And are you indeed also authorized to assure our readers, on behalf of the TSA, that there will be no more arrests for "joking" or otherwise criticizing your screening procedures -- arrests like that of David Socha, the 17-year-old arrested in Boston this summer and charged with a felony for having a note in his gym bag which read: "(Expletive) you. Stay the (expletive) out of my bag you (expletive) sucker" ...

... Or that of Nicholas Monahan, arrested a year ago at Portland International Airport for expressing displeasure after his pregnant wife was reduced to tears by being required to expose her swollen belly to other passengers, as he describes in an essay headlined "Coffee, Tea, or Should We Feel Your Pregnant Wife's Breasts Before Throwing You in a Cell at the Airport and Then Lying About Why We Put You There?"?

Nice to know that "First Amendment" thing has been restored. Thanks for any detailed confirmation you can provide. And have a nice day.

Vin Suprynowicz is assistant editorial page editor of the Review-Journal and author of the books "Send in the Waco Killers" and "The Ballad of Carl Drega." His Web site is www.privacyalert.us.