Thursday, December 30, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal

LOOKING BACK: Best Quotes of 2004

Full-moon craziness describes why Americans contribute to success of Trump, Hilton and Bush

"I never wanted to be a prophet or a savior, Elvis, maybe. I could see myself becoming him. But prophet? No." Bob Dylan, on being called a "prophet" by the media ("60 Minutes," Dec. 5) Illustration by David Stroud. "I definitely want to settle down in the next couple of years. I want to be a young mom like my mom (was). Having my own daughter to dress up will be fun. I'll dress her like me." Paris Hilton (Us, March 1) Illustration by David Stroud. "I don't say my hair is my greatest strength in the world, but it's not terrible." Donald Trump (Us, March 15) Illustration by David Stroud.

"I just wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world."

Muhammad Ali (Esquire, January)

"Death? So many people of modest intelligence have done it so successfully -- it can't be that hard."

Bob Lutz, 71, chairman of General Motors, North America (Esquire, January)

"Myself, I have very few original ideas. But I always smelled an idea from somebody and then did something about it."

Jack Welch, 68, former chief executive officer of General Electric (Esquire, January)

"This was fast. I'm not even sure they had time to have sex."

Brian J. Steinberg, family law attorney in Las Vegas, on the whirlwind marriage-to-annulment caper of Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander. The marriage lasted 55 hours. (San Jose Mercury News, Jan. 6)

"(It's not easy going up against) Britney Spears who shows her belly button and has a voice about the size of my littler finger."

Robert Goulet, 70-year-old baritone, on the difficulty of appealing to the younger crowd (San Jose Mercury News, Jan. 6)

"It was very uncomfortable up there on the cross."

Jim Caviezel, on starring as Jesus in Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ." (Us, Jan. 12)

"Everyone is a citizen of the world. But living in America for me has been my life, and I'm very thankful for living here. To be able to now say I am American is nice."

French figure-skating champion Surya Bonaly, who became a U.S. citizen in Las Vegas (San Jose Mercury News, Jan. 12)

"This week Secretary of State Colin Powell admitted that there is no direct link between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaida. So let that be a warning, world leaders. If you have no direct link to al-Qaida, we will get you."

Tina Fey, "Saturday Night Live" (Newsday, Jan. 15)

"If God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people."

Howard Dean, presidential hopeful (U.S. News and World Report, Jan. 19)

"Like a blind man in a roomful of deaf people."

Paul O'Neill, fired treasury secretary, on the lack of dialogue in President Bush's cabinet meetings. (U.S. News and World Report, Jan. 19)

"I don't want to walk around and hear people say, `Oh look, there's John Edwards with his mother.' "

Elizabeth Edwards, the candidate's wife, on dying her hair. (U.S. News and World Report, Jan. 26)

"Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies and they're more paralyzed than I am."

Christopher Reeve, 51 (Esquire, January)

"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom."

Jerry Seinfeld (Reader's Digest, February)

"I had innumerable analysts who came to me in apology that the world we were finding was not the world they thought had existed, and that they had estimated."

David Kay, who resigned after six months heading the CIA-led team that sought evidence of banned weapons in Iraq. Kay testified before Congress and called for an independent inquiry to find the failures that led to erroneous intelligence reports that Iraq was hiding biological and chemical weapons. (San Jose Mercury News, Feb. 1)

"Already, the Kay report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations."

President George W. Bush, in his State of the Union address, on evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq (Newsweek, Feb. 2)

"I don't think they existed."

David Kay, after stepping down as the U.S. special adviser leading the hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, on the lack of evidence proving Saddam Hussein's alleged arsenal. (Newsweek, Feb. 2)

"When what happened happened, I was completely shocked and appalled. ... All I could say was, `Oh my god, oh my god.' "

Justin Timberlake, after the negative fallout from his Super Bowl halftime performance. (ABC News, Feb. 2)

"Honestly, I really wanted to see what it was like to be married. Maybe that sounds silly, but, in that moment, I was with a friend that I love dearly and I wanted to do something wild and crazy and I wanted to get married. So that's why I did it."

Britney Spears, on why she got married for 55 hours. ("Entertainment Tonight," Feb. 5)

"I think that people don't know how to do anything anymore. My father was a janitor. He could take a car apart and put it back together. He could build a house in the back yard. Today, if you ask people what they know, they say, `I know how to hire someone.' "

Novelist Walter Mosley (New York Times Magazine, Feb. 8)

"I love my son. If anyone tells me I can't help my son, they can drop dead."

Mayor Oscar Goodman, on arranging a special party during the National Council of Mayors' convention where fellow mayors were asked to consider buying his son's computer software. (Newsweek, Feb. 9)

"I'm not surprised with the fact that there are many comfortable cowards in my profession."

Sean Penn, on fellow actors who did not stand up for him when he was attacked for going to Iraq in 2003 (San Jose Mercury News, Feb. 10)

"They are having a panel to look into the intelligence failures in Iraq ... but the findings will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year. You know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard."

Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher" (Newsday, Feb. 12)

"I like him. I'm going to give him a pass. I take care of my friends."

Comedian Dennis Miller, commenting on President Bush (San Francisco Chronicle, Feb. 15)

"To be anti-Semitic is to be unchristian. And I am not."

Mel Gibson, defending his film "The Passion of the Christ." (CBS network's "Prime Time Special," Feb. 16

"That's my oldest. People never believe this, but he was a perfect child. College was another matter. But when he was a little boy, he'd put on his cowboy outfit and pretend he was Roy Rogers. He'd entertain himself for hours fighting the bad guys -- or, as he called them, the axis of evil."

Barbara Bush, describing her son, President Bush (San Francisco Chronicle, Feb. 24)

"Everyone thinks I'm perfect."

Jessica Simpson, when asked what is her biggest challenge (Us, March 1)

"I definitely want to settle down in the next couple of years. I want to be a young mom like my mom (was). Having my own daughter to dress up will be fun. I'll dress her like me."

Paris Hilton (Us, March 1)

"Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding."

Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," on the gay marriage ban. (Newsday, March 4)

"I always feel a genuine bond whenever I see Sen. (Hillary) Clinton. She's the only person who's the center of more conspiracy theories than I am."

Vice President Dick Cheney (San Jose Mercury News, March 8)

"I don't say my hair is my greatest strength in the world, but it's not terrible."

Donald Trump (Us, March 15)

"Let's be clear. We've always had gay bishops. All I'm doing is being honest about it."

Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson, on being the church's first openly gay bishop (Newsweek, March 15)

"My dream is to become a teacher. ... I could encourage kids to learn and become as thirsty for knowledge as I am."

Marilyn Manson (Rolling Stone, March 18)

"Convicted felon Martha Stewart met with her probation officer yesterday. She even had to give a urine sample, in which she tested positive for nutmeg."

Jimmy Kimmel (Entertainment Weekly, March 26)

"You get comfortable shooting. The first time, you're scared to death, as scared as the guy you're shooting at. Then it grows easier for you. After a while the idea of shooting someone doesn't bother you."

Rapper 50 Cent (Playboy, April)

"Of all the presidents we've had with the last name of Bush, his economic plan ranks in the top two."

Sen. John Kerry (U.S. News and World Report, April 5)

"Apparently, you can't be friends anymore with somebody who is of a different party. ... He's a friend of mine. Guilty as charged."

Sen. John McCain, on the backlash surrounding the statement that he'd "entertain" the idea of being John Kerry's running mate (Us, April 5)

"I changed my mind. I didn't want to die anymore."

Hussam Abdo, a 16-year-old Palestinian, on deciding at an Israeli checkpoint not to detonate the bomb he'd strapped to his chest. (Newsweek, April 5)

"I do want my life back to normal, because it's hard. It's so hard. But at the same time I'm like, wow, I get to go to New York. I get to go to Hollywood. I get to hang out with people like Britney and Leonardo."

Jessica Lynch, former Iraq POW, on her life a year after her rescue. (Time, April 12)

"Suddenly I was concerned about the bigger picture. Why am I me? Why am I here? Why did my soul choose this body? Why am I a role model? Is this fame the be-all and end-all? What's the point of all this? Is it downhill from here? It can't all be a happy accident. I wanted to know why it was happening to me."

Madonna, describing the spiritual awakening she began to experience seven years ago (People, April 12)

"I'm sorry, but I'd rather meet Madonna than the president of the United States."

Britney Spears (Rolling Stone, April 15)

"I certainly would not have estimated that we would have had the number of individuals lost that we have had lost in the last week."

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, responding to the number of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq as the Pentagon announced longer deployments for thousands of soldiers (San Jose Mercury News, April 18)

"It's hard to reconcile this with the `land of the free and the home of the brave.' "

Howard Stern, after Clear Channel Communications dropped his show in response to FCC pressure (U.S. News and World Report, April 19)

"They asked us to make them feel at home while we trained them to take our jobs."

Stephen Gentry, an Auburn, Wash., employee of Boeing who was laid off -- and says he was asked to train the worker in India who would replace him (Time, April 19)

"We are trying to explain how things are going, and they are going as they are going. Some things are going well and some things obviously are not going well."

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, at a Pentagon briefing about Iraq. (Newsweek, April 19)

"As I was telling my husb--, as I was telling President Bush."

National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice, stopping abruptly in midsentence and correcting herself at a party hosted by The New York Times District of Columbia bureau chief and his wife. (New York, April 26)

"I do have an affinity for damaged people, in life, in roles. I don't know why. We're all damaged in our own way. Nobody's perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us."

Johnny Depp (Playboy, May)

"This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation. ... You ever heard of a need to blow some steam off?"

Rush Limbaugh, radio talk-show host, on the behavior of the U.S. soldiers accused of abusing Iraqi prisoners. (Time, May 17

"Why can't rock music be about growing old?"

Sixty-year-old Roger Daltrey of The Who, who once sang, "Hope I die before I get old." (Newsweek, May 17)

"The lower economic people are not holding up their end of this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids -- $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for `Hooked on Phonics.' ... I can't even talk the way these people talk: `Why you ain't,' `Where you is.' ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

Bill Cosby, speaking to an audience in Constitution Hall in Washington at an event celebrating the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education (UPI, May 21)

"The only way we can lose is if we're lazy or dumb and we don't do what we're supposed to do."

Bill Clinton, at a fund-raiser in Harlem, encouraging attendees to support Sen. John Kerry's bid for the presidency (Time, May 24)

"Wow! I know it's an honor, and it really is an honor, but are you sure? Doctor of Law, all I can think about is the laws I've broken. Laws of nature, laws of physics, laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania."

Bono, upon receiving an honorary degree from the University of Pennsylvania (MSNBC, May 27)

"In our sport, we always kind of compare it to sex. You've only got to do it for four or five seconds."

NHRA drag racer John Force (San Francisco Chronicle, May 28)

"Our president fell off his bike, and today declared war on gravity."

Craig Kilborn (Entertainment Weekly, June 2)

"In private, you got what you got in public. He treated everyone the same. He was just a very warm man, and he worked hard to impress upon his children the value of kindness. He was biologically incapable of gossip. There was no smallness in him."

Ron Reagan, son of the late President Ronald Reagan (New York Times Magazine, June 3)

"I did have my kids at dinner, at a Benihana-type place. And I said, `OK, we gotta toast. This would have been your mother's 45th birthday.' "

O.J. Simpson, telling Fox News' Greta Van Susteren how he recently observed the memory of his slain ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. (Newsweek, June 5)

"I can't die. It would ruin my reputation."

Jack LaLanne, fitness guru, just before this 90th birthday. (San Francisco Chronicle, July 1)

"Well, I expressed myself rather forcefully, felt better after I had done it."

Vice President Dick Cheney, in an interview with Fox News on an exchange with Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., in which he used an expletive, while both were on the floor of the Senate for the annual group photograph. (Time, July 2)

"I think cursing is a bunch of malarkey."

Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys on why the band never cursed. (New York Times Magazine, July 3)

"I'm now in favor of Bush's tax cuts."

Reigning "Jeopardy" champ Ken Jennings, when Alex Trebek asked what had changed since he started winning on the game show (Entertainment Weekly, July 4)

"He could have made it right with the book. But he hasn't. He is a revisionist of history. He has lied."

Monica Lewinsky, on former President Clinton's account of their liaison in his book, "My Life." (Newsweek, July 5)

"If they don't have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, `I don't want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men."

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, describing his Democratic opponents in the Legislature (AOL News, July 19)

"I could do it. I'm a really good camper. I can sleep on the ground."

Martha Stewart, after her sentencing, when asked by Barbara Walters if she could cope with prison life (Time, July 26)

"I could turn on just about any television channel in Europe and see full nudity. And their crime rate is a lot lower than ours. So go figure."

Nelly (Us, July 26)

"I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?"

Comedian Paula Poundstone (Entertainment Weekly, Aug. 13)

"Marriage hasn't been my thing. But gay people, knock yourselves out!"

Ben Affleck (Us, Aug. 16)

"The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway."

President Bush on John Kerry's proposal to rescind tax cuts for the wealthy (Time, Aug. 23)

"Are you enjoying the Olympics? Do you have Olympic fever like me? President Bush and John Kerry have Olympic fever. They are both doing synchronized lying."

David Letterman ("Late Show," Aug. 24)

"This is New York. Of course we'd have seven naked people on Eighth Avenue."

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, on members of the anti-AIDS group ACT UP who stood naked in the city chanting, "George Bush, drop the debt and stop AIDS now." (Newsweek, Sept. 6)

"If you are listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you are a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons."

Rocker Alice Cooper (Newsweek, Sept. 6)

"No presidential candidate should visit Las Vegas without condemning organized gambling."

Ralph Nader, speaking at a Las Vegas library during a campaign appearance (Time, Sept. 13)

"Now it's more about crossing the i's and dotting the t's."

Darrell Jackson, Seattle Seahawks wide receiver, on how his focus changes once the regular season starts. (Sports Illustrated, Sept. 20)

"The reason for my success ... is that I do not perspire and I rarely have to go to the bathroom."

Barbara Walters (U.S. News and World Report, Sept. 27)

"Fretting over a belt just isn't where my heart is."

Ashley Judd, on not being a fashion junkie (Us, Oct. 4)

"Madonna? Since when has lip-syncing been live? Anyone who lip-syncs in public onstage, when you pay 75 pounds to see them, should be shot. ... But do I give a toss? No."

Elton John, commenting on the nomination of Madonna for the Best Live Act at the Q awards in London. John was accepting the award for songwriting (New York Times, Oct. 5)

"It's all dumb, stupid luck. It's all genetics. Those guys with washboard abs ... I do a hundred sit-ups a day and I don't look like Brad Pitt."

Rob Lowe, on his youthful appearance (Us, Oct. 11)

"I even take the position that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged."

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (U.S. News and World Report, Oct. 11)

"I have asked my good friends, who went off to college when I went off to do `Dawson's Creek,' `Did I miss a lot?' ... They are like, `You didn't miss much. I got drunk for four years.' "

Katie Holmes (Us, Oct. 25)

"Being lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order in this country."

Sen. John Kerry, in the final presidential debate (Newsweek, Oct. 25)

"I'm not smarter. I'm not anything. I'd love to lie, but I don't think there's anything good about it."

Cher, on getting older (Us, Nov. 1)

"If Barbara gets her hands on John Kerry, he might just get another Purple Heart."

Former President George Bush, telling an audience that his wife is angry about Kerry's attacks on her son, the president (U.S. News and World Report, Nov. 1)

"They say that in these times, only the voice of the insane and the drunkards can be believed. I say, `Luckily for you people, I'm both!' "

Roseanne, on her new stand-up comedy act (Village Voice, Nov. 2)

"It's been reported that Mary-Kate Olsen doesn't like going to school at NYU, and she's thinking of dropping out of college. When asked why, Mary-Kate said, `I have a billion dollars.' "

Conan O'Brien (Entertainment Weekly, Nov. 5)

"John and I have been married 13 years, which in Hollywood is like 50 years. It's like dog years."

Kelly Preston, on her marriage to John Travolta (Us. Nov. 8)

"I've been married five times, and people think that's some bizarre thing, and yet I've got buddies who refuse to get married and (have sex with) 15 people a week. I'm like, which is better? At least I was trying."

Billy Bob Thornton (Us, Nov. 15)

"Bill Clinton showed himself to be more than a good politician. In the White House, the whole nation witnessed his brilliance. ... The president was not the kind to give up a fight. His staffers were known to say that if Clinton were the Titanic, the iceberg would sink."

President Bush, praising his predecessor during the dedication of the Clinton presidential library (San Jose Mercury News, Nov. 21)

"If I get out of here, I'm never going to worry about things that won't kill me. I'm never going to worry about rent. I'm never going to worry about articles being rejected. And I'm certainly never going to worry about earning a living as a humorist, because if I can make fun of this, I can make fun of anything."

Humorist P.J. O'Rourke, remembering his thoughts on covering the war in Lebanon for Vanity Fair in 1984 (Pages, November/December)

"I gotta tell ya, I don't care what people say, because I know when my head hits the pillow, I'm doing everything I can to make the world a better place."

Tom Cruise, on his religion, Scientology (GQ, December)

"I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality."

President Bush, on his reception in Ottawa ("The Daily Show," Dec. 2)

"I never wanted to be a prophet or a savior, Elvis, maybe. I could see myself becoming him. But prophet? No."

Bob Dylan, on being called a "prophet" by the media ("60 Minutes," Dec. 5)

"Be studious, stay in school and stay away from the military. I mean it."

Marine Staff Sgt. Russell Slay, giving instructions to his 5-year-old son, Walker, in a letter to his family shortly before he was killed. He was one of 12 soldiers from Texas killed in Iraq in November (Newsweek, Dec. 6)

"I don't want to toot my own horn, but I was second place at the Or-Erkenschwick break-dance competition in Germany."

Leonardo DiCaprio (Us, Dec. 6)

"All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER."

Dennis Leary, on what men hear when women talk (People, Dec. 6)

"None of our fans would ever let go of a beer for any reason, much less throw it at somebody."

Morgan Shepherd, NASCAR driver, on why the NBA brawl would never happen in his sport (Sports Illustrated, Dec. 6)