Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal
STEVE SEBELIUS: Kerry's secret
And once again, the Republican smear machine springs into action.
Desperate to damage the presumptive Democratic nominee, U.S. Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., Republicans -- like the pack of hungry jackals they are -- are jumping on Kerry's remark that foreign leaders have privately endorsed his candidacy.
Kerry's right: This is the most crooked, lying group he's ever seen.
Well, leave it to us in the liberal media to defend our own.
Thanks to some highly placed contacts in the Kerry camp, I've been made privy to several top-level communications between Kerry and world leaders. And I'll publish them here today, to prove once and for all that George W. Bush and his ilk need to go.
First, a small confession. Kerry was too liberal with the language when he made his original statement: "I've met with foreign leaders who can't go out and say this publicly. But, boy, they look at you and say: `You've got to win this. You've got to beat this guy. We need a new policy.' Things like that."
It may seem, from phrases like "I've met with" and "they look at you," that Kerry was actually in the room with these foreign leaders. But -- as those rabid right-wingers who write for that rag The Washington Times recently proved, Kerry hasn't made a foreign trip since 2002, nor was he even in the same city as a foreign leader since he kicked off his campaign, with the exception of New Zealand's foreign minister one day in Washington, D.C.
It may be that the usually taciturn Kerry got a little excited and misspoke. In reality, most of his endorsements have come via e-mail. Like this:
To: John Kerry (JKerry@bushblows.com)
From: Li'lKim@ruthlessdictators.net (Kim Jong Il)
Date: 9 Feb. 2004 10:12:02 GMT
Subject: Beat Bush!!!
Message: Dear Mr. Kerry: It fills the heart of the glorious leader of the People's Republic of North Korea with very much joy that you are running against that boy-man Bush. He is dangerous! And stupid, too! We have many more weapons than CIA knows.
We are so pleased with your candidacy, we are even airing your most excellent speeches for the Korean people. You have got to beat this guy. If I can help, please tell. And we will be more than happy to prepare the hotel for your state visit when you win election. But don't tell anyone of this message. Your Marines are busy enough, eh?
Or how about this one?
To: John Kerry (JKerry@bushblows.com)
From: Maximum Leader@cohiba.com (Fidel Castro)
Date: 2 March 2004 21:14:03 GMT
Message: Dear Juan: Keep sticking it to that imperialist running dog! I've read the book of his public remarks. He's not smart enough to debate one of the ninth graders in the People's Revolutionary Schools, much less the likes of yourself and the gallant Ralph Nader! I did not so much like the last JFK from Massachusetts, as he often tried to kill me. But you seem like a more reasonable sort. Any chance of ending that embargo? We need a new policy, Juan. But keep this between us, as they say, until you win. La buena suerte!
And there are others, hosts of others.
To: John Kerry (JKerry@bushblows.com)
From: theotherjacques@frenchie.com (Jacques Chirac)
Date: March 7, 2004
Message: My dear John: How excited I am about your candidacy! With your Gallic features and contemplative manner, you could almost be a Frenchman! I already like you better than that dreadful Texan, although I must confess that I find his wife to be -- how do you Americans say? -- hot. I know you and I can do business once you get elected, and we replace Halliburton with a fine French supplier, oui? Anything I can do to help, do not hesitate to ask, but please keep our friendship private for now.
And they just keep pouring in! How about this e-mail, from this past weekend:
To: John Kerry (JKerry@bushblows.com)
From: KGBguy@swordandshieldofparty.org (Vladmir Putin)
Date: 13 March 2004
Message: Dear Ivan Richardovich: Am going through my own election, but we both know I will win more easily than your contest. I cannot stress enough how much the Russian people support you and your quest. You have got to win this, Ivan. The prospect of having to spend another hour on that godforsaken ranch in Texas fills me with the fear of the disloyal. (However, I know you appreciate secrets as much as do I, so please keep this communication between us.)
So there you have it: Documented support of Kerry from foreign leaders. Now that that's out of the way, perhaps the good senator can start to focus on the thousands of Americans who have no problem saying publicly that Kerry has got to win this, he's got to beat this guy, and that we need a new policy.
Steve Sebelius is a Review-Journal political columnist. His column runs Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Reach him at 383-0283 or by e-mail at SSebelius@reviewjournal.com.
