Ooooh, scary.

Not the ghosts and goblins walking neighborhood streets on Halloween night. Not the wannabe vamps and vampires who hung from the rafters at bars and lounges all over town.

What's truly frightening is the frantic frequency with which television viewers are being bombarded with political messages. It's a horror movie marathon played out in 30-second scenes.

It's enough to give grown-up kids nightmares and swear to vote for "none of the above" or not at all. A friend says he's quadrupled his trips to Blockbuster for video rentals just to avoid those ads, but I suspect he's a closet watcher.

I'd bet most of us are.

With a week to go before Election Day, illegal immigration has emerged as the GOP's biggest bugaboo. Machine-gun attack ads hit Democratic candidates Dina Titus and Tessa Hafen again and again for supposedly being too warm and fuzzy on the issue. (A comprehensive poll taken last spring showed a large majority of Nevadans from both major parties supported tightening the border and cutting government services to illegals.)

At this rate Titus and Hafen soon will be portrayed wearing sombreros and serapes in front of the Mexican flag.

Meanwhile, GOP gubernatorial hopeful Jim Gibbons, Congressman Jon Porter, and U.S. Sen. John Ensign are being thumped for their loyalty to the Bush administration and support for the war in Iraq. One compelling Hafen advertisement was pulled from the air this week because a Nevada Marine was featured criticizing Porter's vote against legislation to benefit military veterans. Wearing a military uniform in a political ad isn't allowed.

But wearing a vet's lab coat and stethoscope is, as Ensign has illustrated in his political spots. For those who don't get the connection, Ensign is a veterinarian. Everybody but randy pets loves veterinarians.

From the look of his ads, Ensign is spaying and neutering dogs between Senate votes. The Republican leads Jack Carter in the polls and has outclassed his Democratic rival in an all-important political category: TV commercial production quality.

Among Ensign's greatest hits is his mega-produced anti-terrorism spot with its prevailing message: VOTE FOR JOHN ENSIGN OR WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

My favorite, however, is the commercial that for some reason begins with Ensign in his lab coat approving "this message," then cuts to what appear to be vacation photographs of Carter wearing a hat stolen from Gilligan himself. The theme: Carter is a carpetbagger with goofy taste in headgear.

In contrast, Carter's ads are simply the worst produced pieces on television since -- and here's a reference only longtime locals will get -- Bob Glinski "your Datsun dealer" and Fred "If I can finance him, and I will, I can finance you" from GMF Motors did their own spots. Carter's commercials aren't short on content, but they're painful to watch.

This week, Carter hit on a compelling theme by raising the issue of Ensign's opposition to embryonic stem cell research. Carter met the press with Cynthia Jay-Brennan and Sam Schmidt, both of whom are paralyzed and speak passionately on the issue. It's the same theme that Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox has repeated in speeches across the nation.

Carter's problem isn't material. It's exposure. Jay-Brennan and Schmidt would have made excellent images in a well-produced television commercial, not just a few inches of newspaper copy following a press conference.

There's something most fear-based attack ads seem to have in common: slow-motion. "Monday Night Football" doesn't have as much slow-motion replays as a single day of attack ads. As a general rule in politics, if you're depicted moving in slow-motion chances are good you're being called an ax murderer with communist leanings.

If you're inclined to believe Porter's ads, Nevada native Hafen is actually a flaming liberal from Washington, D.C. If you side with Hafen, Porter has been aiding the enemy by denying veterans their hard-earned bonuses.

Whenever I broach the subject of negative ads with locals, they all say the same thing: They hate them, and the commercials seem to get worse each year.

Then they recount the best spots in meticulous detail.

Like a gruesome freeway pileup, we can't help but gawk at the bloodletting candidates will endure to win and keep public office.

It's enough to give you nightmares until Election Day.

John L. Smith's column appears Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. E-mail him at Smith@reviewjournal.com or call 383-0295.