Eleanor Dachtler of Las Vegas, mother of Marine Lance Cpl. Nicholas H. Anderson, sobs as Marine 1st Sgt. Joe Kapala and George Dachtler salute the American Flag during Anderson's funeral in 2004. Photo by John Gurzinski. Marine Lance Cpl. Nicholas H. Anderson was killed on Nov. 12, 2004, in Iraq. Photo by The Associated Press

WASHINGTON -- Hoping to generate attention for his boss late in an underdog campaign, an aide to Democrat Jack Carter solicited the mother of an Iraq war casualty to appear alongside the Senate candidate at a rally or news conference last week.

But if it was looking for a willing ally, the Carter camp evidently picked the wrong mother.

Eleanor Dachtler of Las Vegas said she was insulted by the overture, which was made in a blind letter that began: "I hope I have reached the right Eleanor Dachtler and that you are the mother of Nick Anderson. If not, please disregard this letter."

The letter asked if Dachtler would appear with Carter at an event where the candidate would be criticizing the Iraq policy of President Bush and Republican incumbent John Ensign.

Dachtler's participation could help draw media coverage, she was told. Carter is trailing Ensign by double digits in the most recent Review-Journal poll, conducted last week.

"I read the letter, and I thought, 'This guy is a (expletive),'" said Dachtler, whose 18-year old son, Nicholas, was killed on Nov. 12, 2004, in the Anbar province.

Dachtler said she was further bothered that Carter aides had checked her voting records to ascertain that she was a registered Democrat.

Dachtler said Nevada lawmakers, including Ensign, were helpful to her after her son died, and so she turned down the invitation.

She said she kept her annoyance to herself until she saw Carter on television with paraplegics at an event to promote stem cell research, similar to the idea his aides had pitched her on Iraq.

"It was almost like he was exploiting these people," she said.

The letter was signed by Jay Jones, Carter's press secretary. Jones said Friday said he wrote the letter "in good faith" and intended no disrespect.

Carter did not see the letter and was unaware of his effort, Jones said.

"It was my idea," Jones said. "Never did I intend to exploit her, nor do I think I have."

Jones said he and Dachtler mutually agreed after talking on the phone that she probably should not take part in the event, which eventually was scrapped. He said he tried to contact one other family but gave up when he could not find a phone number.

Some family members of slain U.S. soldiers have spoken out on the war, most famously Cindy Sheehan, who has staged protest camp-outs near Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas.

Dachtler said she is conflicted.

"I am looking at it as a mother who lost a son and doesn't want anybody to lose a family member," Dachtler said. "But I don't want my son to have died in vain.

"My son went there for a purpose; he was military-oriented all the way," Dachtler said. "I don't care about political reasons for being there. I believe that my son died for the thousands of people who were slaughtered and massacred by Saddam."