E.P. Powell is the late author who once said Thanksgiving Day is a jewel set in the hearts of honest men, but that we shouldn't enjoy the moment while forsaking gratitude. So we won't.

When it comes time to begin carving later today, give thanks for all that contributes to making our daily lives a hectic compilation of ESPN highlights and sports talk radio updates.

Oh, yeah. All for all of the following, too.

Jim Rogers: For the NSHE chancellor's memo on the pathetic state of UNLV athletics. OK, so it's not to the historic level of William Rehnquist's "A Random Thought on the Segregation Cases," but at least Rogers attempted to say what many feel.

Simply, how concerned should we be that the Rebels' best football player is their punter?

USA basketball: For teaching America's youth the key to being successful on a world stage -- pray like crazy your family tree allows for duel citizenship to some South American country.

USA soccer: For the same reason.

The Mountain West Conference: For allowing us months of column fodder after having the stupidity to leave ESPN for CSTV without first learning its games had as good a chance at being seen in Durbuy, Belgium, as Las Vegas and San Diego. It was announced Wednesday that three UNLV road basketball games (vs. Arizona, Hawaii and UNR) will be broadcast in Las Vegas, allowing those at the conference office more time to negotiate with David Horowitz about coming on board as the league's primary spin master for all current and future television deals.

Local USDTV subscribers: For all two of you.

Mike Hamrick: For reminding us that cell phones often magically erase messages themselves, thus making it impossible for the UNLV athletic director to return calls.

Philadelphia Mayor John Street: For exhibiting the type of buffoon behavior we have come to expect from local leaders, showgirls included. It was Street who in a speech this week honoring Ryan Howard on his National League MVP award referred to the Phillies star as "Ron" five times. In this sense, we should also give thanks for having talents such as Howard to cheer, given it must be agonizingly difficult to hit 58 homers and drive in 149 runs while also directing "Curious George II."

Baseball writers: For actually having those in the fraternity idiotic enough to vote Justin Morneau fourth and Derek Jeter sixth in the American League MVP race, proving if any of those who cast such ballots are ever in need of work, there is always another source of employment to match their intelligence: Mayor of Philadelphia.

Bob Knight: For lifting the chin of his player and thus immediately filling 14 hours of that tabloid television show known as "SportsCenter."

The power of the people: For creating a loud enough public outcry that Fox Broadcasting canceled the (guilty) O.J. Simpson book/interview deal in which the (guilty) Ford Bronco passenger would theoretically describe how he would have committed (translation: how he did) the murders of his ex-wife and her friend. If you want to watch a real-life disaster, you don't need (guilty) O.J. A tape of UNLV's short-yardage offense this football season would more than suffice.

The Yankees and Red Sox: For continuing to prove that baseball's luxury tax restricts salaries like Britney Spears does home video cameras.

Michelle Wie: For showing us that even millions of dollars in endorsements hasn't made her smart enough to realize her game will never (E-V-E-R) be good enough to contend on the PGA Tour.

Pac-10 replay officials: For confirming there is actually a job where Vince Young's Wonderlic score would be considered too high for consideration.

NASCAR: For televising enough post-race celebrations to verify one of life's undisputable facts: Race car drivers marry really hot women.

Tennessee football players: For keeping Knoxville police officers busy.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.: For getting that first retirement-after-his-next-fight claim out of the way so we can officially put the over-under on such future proclamations at seven.

With that, happy carving.

Ed Graney's column is published Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. He can be reached 383-4618 or egraney@reviewjournal.com.