What does a public employee have to do to get fired? Consider the recent standards set by some of our more esteemed civil servants.

In 2003, Kelvin Atkinson and Kathy McClain claimed sick pay from their Clark County government jobs while they were serving as elected members of the Assembly in Carson City. A Review-Journal records request caught their looting of taxpayers, and they were fired. Yet, in 2004, an arbitrator reinstated them, and Mr. Atkinson was awarded eight months of back pay for his trouble.

And who can forget the case of Lovelock prison guard Amie L. Bianchini, who was fired last year after she and fellow officer Sean Hoferer escaped to a facility bathroom to perform oral sex on each other while inmates were on lock-down status. Ms. Bianchini appealed her termination, and in March, a state hearing officer reinstated her -- with back pay. No doubt the ruling left Mr. Hoferer regretting his decision to resign.

Nevada parole and probation officer Gerald Fiske must have been confident in his chances for reinstatement this summer. He was fired in May for playing one too many practical jokes on officer Charmaine Smith, whom he considered "ultra-sensitive, a whiner or a complainer," according to a review of his case.

Among the pranks Mr. Fiske played on Ms. Smith:

-- Taping fish bait to the back of her desk drawer, making her spend hours on state time hunting for the source of the stench.

-- Using stickers to spell out "Oops, I farted" on a brake light on Ms. Smith's state vehicle.

-- Placing a stink bomb in her office while Ms. Smith was meeting with a probationer, which led her to accuse the probationer of fouling her space.

Mr. Fiske's defense rested on an office culture that tolerated practical jokes and, in the opinion of one of his supervisors, contributed to positive officer morale.

But surprise, surprise! The decision from Administrative Hearing Officer Bill Kockenmeister released Wednesday affirmed Mr. Fiske's firing. According to Mr. Kockenmeister, the straw that broke the camel's back was a gag that would make just about anyone, well, gag. "The placement of a dead lizard in Officer Smith's burrito goes beyond the simple office practical joke," he wrote.

So, government workers, here's your primer on firable offenses: Soaking taxpayers with bogus sick pay and having sex on the clock are A-OK. Just keep the dead lizard in your pocket away from your friend's food.

Perhaps, if the lizard had been alive at the time of the joke, Mr. Fiske would still have a job.