In "Borat," hilariously dim Kazakh TV reporter Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen) finds many curious things about America -- including how he managed to miss an Academy Award nomination.
If the Terry Awards had a theme song, this would be it:
"The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter, the winds grow colder and suddenly you're older, and all because of the man that got away ..."
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Ira Gershwin wrote those lyrics -- to Harold Arlen's torchy tune -- for the 1954 musical version of "A Star Is Born."
In their case, the man that got away was Mr. Oscar; "Three Coins in the Fountain" won the Academy Award for best song that year.
A pity the Review-Journal's annual Terry Awards weren't around. (I had to grow up first; I was only 3 1/2 months old at the time.)
Fittingly, however, the Terry Awards -- which honor those overlooked by the Academy Awards -- commemorate another memorable 1954 Oscar fixture: Terry Malloy, the down-and-out dockworker of "On the Waterfront," who first uttered that deathless line of dialogue: "I coulda been a contender."
(Ironically, the actor who spoke those words, Marlon Brando, won an Oscar, as did the movie itself.)
As always, outrageous Oscar snubs abound in this 23rd annual edition of the Terry Awards.
Let's start with the Academy's best picture candidates, which apparently photographed themselves; not one earned a cinematography nod from those persnickety directors of photography.
Or how about the best picture nominee that directed itself? "Little Miss Sunshine" directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris didn't make the final cut.
Neither did such standout documentaries as "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" and "Shut Up and Sing."
Unlike the Academy Awards, however, being nominated really is the honor when it comes to the Terrys. Coulda-, woulda- and shoulda-beens of the world, we salute you.
And the Terrys go to ...
BEST PICTURE
Far be it from me to quarrel with "The Departed," "Letters From Iwo Jima," "Little Miss Sunshine" and "The Queen" as best picture contenders.
Fortunately, the Terry Awards' category isn't limited to a final five, which means there's plenty of room for the harrowing docudrama of "United 93" -- still my pick for 2006's best picture.
Add to them the down-home charm of "A Prairie Home Companion," the stark and dark violence of "The Proposition" and the dreamy, shadowy fantasy of "Pan's Labyrinth." Sure, "Pan's" is up for a best foreign-language film Oscar, but here at the Terrys, great movies need no translation.
BEST ACTOR
Riddle me this, "Borat": How can a largely improvised movie earn an Oscar nomination for best original screenplay while the person most responsible for said improvisation strikes out in the best actor category?
Clearly, there's no answer -- except to award "Borat's" title character, alias Sacha Baron Cohen, a Terry for his uproarious performance as the dim-bulb Kazakh TV reporter who brings out the bigotry in his all-American interview subjects.
But at least Cohen's in good comedic company with Aaron Eckhart, the "yuppie Mephistopheles" spinmeister of "Thank You for Smoking," and Chiwetel Ejiofor, the fabulously fashionable footwear fiend of "Kinky Boots."
Action men worthy of note range from the latest -- and possibly greatest -- James Bond, "Casino Royale's" Daniel Craig, to Clive Owen's riveting "Children of Men" survivor, Guy Pearce's conflicted outlaw in "The Proposition," Matt Damon's emotionally disconnected spy in "The Good Shepherd" and Ken Watanabe's dignified, doomed commander in "Letters From Iwo Jima."
Shifting from men of action to men of observation, the Terry Awards laud Matt Dillon's down-and-out writer in "Factotum" and Richard Griffiths, the rotund, orotund, unforgettable teacher of "The History Boys."
In our coveted double-shot category: Edward Norton, who scores as "The Illusionist's" enigmatic title character and "The Painted Veil's" cuckolded doctor. And Johnny Depp surpasses Captain Jack's "Pirates of the Caribbean" antics with a fearless performance as a potentially repellent Restoration rake in "The Libertine."
BEST ACTRESS
It's the best year for actresses in ages at the Oscars, but that didn't stop the Academy from overlooking some truly terrific performances. As always.
Let's start with Maggie Gyllenhaal's haunting "Sherrybaby" portrayal of an addict trying desperately to reconnect with her daughter.
Ashley Judd also returned to form as a struggling, sleep-around single in "Come Early Morning." And Naomi Watts outshone even the great Garbo as an unhappy bride who discovers her husband -- and herself -- in "The Painted Veil."
The perennially amazing Charlotte Rampling, meanwhile, delivered another mesmerizing turn as a 50-something professor caught up in aging -- and desire -- in "Heading South." And Natalie Portman brought grit and grace to the futuristic "V for Vendetta."
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Ensemble casts win the day in this crowded category.
Let's start with Oscar's best picture nominees -- and the performers who helped them get there.
"The Departed's" honor roll ranges from undercover cat-and-mouse -- or should that be rat-and-mouse? -- Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio to hard-nosed detective Alec Baldwin and resident gangsters Jack Nicholson and Ray Winstone.
And the "Little Miss Sunshine" crew included Steve Carell (as the world's second-greatest Proust scholar), Greg Kinnear (as the loser proponent of a nine-step success program) and Paul Dano (as a silent teen who communicates via notes that suggest, "Everyone pretend to be normal").
Kevin Kline balanced subtle slapstick and wistful emotion in "A Prairie Home Companion," while Adam Beach captured the anguish of Iwo Jima survivors separated from their band of brothers in "Flags of Our Fathers."
Speaking of survivors, Michael Caine's aging hippie brought welcome warmth to "Children of Men," while Paul Giamatti served up another supporting ace as "The Illusionist's" clever nemesis. And Ben Affleck, of all people, beautifully conveyed the ambivalence of life in "Hollywoodland" as TV's first Superman, the ill-fated George Reeves.
Leading the charge for pitiless villains: Sergi Lopez (the wicked stepfather of "Pan's Labyrinth") and Danny Huston ("The Proposition's" psychotic outlaw leader) lead the pack, along with Bill Nighy's Davy Jones -- the voice and eyes, anyway; the rest of him was computer-generated -- in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."
Nighy also contributed pitch-perfect support to Oscar nominees Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett in "Notes on a Scandal," topping the "we couldn't have done it without you" honor roll. He's in good company, with Michael Sheen (Tony Blair to Helen Mirren's "The Queen") and James McEvoy (dangerously naive adviser to Forest Whitaker's Idi Amin in "The Last King of Scotland").
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
This year, good things come in twos: effusive Meryl Streep and deadpan Lily Tomlin as "A Prairie Home Companion's" singing sisters; "Volver's" Carmen Maura and Lola Dueñas, whose love seemingly transcends life itself; Maribel Verdu and Ivana Baquero as the unexpected allies of "Pan's Labyrinth"; and Maria Bello and Maggie Gyllenhaal as the valiant wives of two New York City transit cops trapped in the Sept. 11 devastation of "World Trade Center."
Turning to two-for-one contenders, Toni Collette once again demonstrates her versatility as "Little Miss Sunshine's" get-on-with-it wife and mother and "The Night Listener's" certifiably spooky title character. And speaking of certifiable, Emma Thompson gave "Stranger Than Fiction's" eccentric author a wonderfully neurotic edge.
In our "you go, girls" department, "Half Nelson's" Shareeka Epps and "Akeelah and the Bee's" Keke Palmer join "Pan's" Baquero in delivering impressively mature portrayals of characters wiser than their years.
And, somehow, it seems fitting that Catherine O'Hara didn't get an Oscar nomination for her uproarious "For Your Consideration" performance as a fading B-level actress trapped in an avalanche of Oscar hype.
