Trick or Treat
Halloween costumes for single folk
By BETTIE PUDGE
In the spirit of the fall season, it's always fun trying to come up with creative and innovative ideas on what you should get dressed up as for Halloween. You want something original, something that makes a statement about your personality, something to attract attention. When you're single, you've got to approach Halloween costume ideas from a different angle. If chosen poorly, a costume can give your audience (potential dates) the wrong idea! Here are some do's and don'ts for the single person's costume repertoire.
COSTUME DO'S
Period Costumes
Choosing a costume from a romantic period in history (Renaissance, Victorian era, the Roaring Twenties) is a good choice for men and women alike. Women benefit by getting the chance to wear dresses that cover what needs to be covered and shows off your best assets. For example: When it comes to Renaissance gowns what woman DOESN'T look good with a corset and cleavage?
Men benefit from the allure their costume presents to others when they get to don attire that virtually no man in this day and age would be seen in at any other point in his life aside from his own wedding. Top hats, gloves, canes, spats, waistcoats, cummerbunds and more make any ordinary guy into a super stud (ala Fabio/Harlequin romance novels) in no time flat! Most women (and some men) would just about throw themselves at a guy wearing jodhpurs and boots just like Hugh Jackman in "Kate and Leopold." Meeee-ow! On the flipside, once you open your mouth, you're on your own.
Anything With A Cape
Capes are wonderful articles of clothing. One size fits most and no matter what shape you are, odds are a cape isn't going to do a disservice to your figure. Capes are mysterious and romantic. People will be dying to know what's underneath! It's better to conceal than reveal (a novel idea in Las Vegas).
Super Heroes
It's not the tights that are the babe magnet in a super hero costume. It's what you represent -- the welfare of mankind and the ability to kick villainous ass and possess incredible, other-worldly powers. Think of the infinite possibilities with pick-up lines!
Military/Police/Fire
Everyone loves a man (or woman) in uniform!
COSTUME DON'TS
Clowns
Not to be down on clowns or anything, but clowns freak people out. Yes, they're supposed to make people laugh with their squirrely antics and balloon animals -- fun for all ages. But outside of amusement parks and children's birthday parties, it's difficult to take anyone seriously when they're dressed up in full clown regalia. Just imagine trying to pick up guys or girls as Bozo. The "I have big feet" joke only gets you so far. You've just got an uphill battle ahead of you. So why bother?
Religious
Religion is a hot-button issue, right up there with politics. Although I'm not a hugely religious person, I can honestly say I'm not a fan of religious-themed costumes. Why? First of all, the costumes are unattractive. Monk, nun and priest attire isn't exactly at the top of the "style meter." Secondly, you never know when you might get your butt whooped by a born-again while walking down the street or if that hot chick at the bar is really a Sunday school teacher who sees you as a drunken, evil blasphemer instead of a just a simple cad. If that wasn't reason enough, when you're single, you're just asking for potential dates to walk the other way. I've never, ever heard anyone say "Damn! Jesus is sooo hot! I wonder if he has a girlfriend?" Are you gettin' me here? Religious costumes: Stay away.
Pimps/Hos
Why are pimp and ho costumes a "Halloween Don't" this year and every year from here on out? Everyone and their mother dresses up as a pimp or a ho for some sort of Vegas party: Pimp and Ho Ball (God! They devote a whole party to it!), the Fantasy Fetish Ball, every stinkin' Halloween bash in town. I'd have to surmise that at least 30 percent of all costume purchases are purple and zebra-striped pimp suits made out of polyester. If I see another pimp or ho running around next weekend, I'm going to be forced to slap the gold teeth off somebody! (Yes, Bettie's pimp hand is strong ... and ghetto-fast.) So, if you don't want to look like every other frat jerk named Brad or sorority cupcake named Susie, leave the pimp and ho costumes on the rack! Halloween is about showing off your creativity! Think of something more original, please? For the love of Pete, I beg of you!
Star Wars/Star Trek/Lord Of The Rings
Not that I have anything against fantasy or sci-fi movies/television, I just strongly advise anyone over the age of 21 to not wear a Star Wars, Star Trek or Lord Of The Rings costume anywhere outside of a fan convention. Yes, it screams "I'm single and available" but it also says "I still live at home with my parents" and "I've never kissed someone of the opposite sex that wasn't a relative." Please note that if you're prone to acne outbreaks and still play Dungeons and Dragons (or EverQuest), these costume choices are definitely off-limits.
Food/Candy
Dressing up as a blue M&M or a side of french fries seems like a cute idea, right? Unfortunately, you're just asking for someone to make an "eat me" reference. If you don't want the added attentions of the perverts of the world, leave the food on the snack table.
Nerds/Geeks
They don't get any action in real life, so why would you want to dress up like one for Halloween?
Body Parts
I don't think an explanation is needed!
Babies
Adults dressed up as babies complete with accessories (diapers, pacifiers, bonnet) is disturbing. Isn't there a whole, seedy subculture devoted to people who get their kicks dressing up and acting like infants/children? Yes, I believe I saw it on an episode of Jerry Springer once. When you're single, you're just going to creep out everyone in sight and attract pedophiles. Are you sure you want that?
So after all of this sage, seasonal advice you might be wondering what I'll be dressing up as this Halloween? Myself, of course! When you're Bettie Pudge, everyday is Halloween!
Good luck and Happy Halloween!
Do you have any ideas on topics I should be covering about the singles' scene in Las Vegas? Please email me and tell me about them! bettiepudge@reviewjournal.com
