We all know the Houston Astros are bad. But so bad that no one in the greater Houston area wants to watch?
Sunday’s Cleveland Indians-Astros game drew a 0.0 rating, which means not a single household being monitored by the Nielsen Group, which handles ratings nationwide, was watching the baseball game. By contrast, the Texans-Ravens football game had a 23 rating equalling approximately 527,000 homes.
Does that mean not a single person was watching the Astros lose for the 105th time? Someone who had a bet on the game or is a masochist was probably watching, or a bar in Houston inadvertently might have left the channel on showing the game. But it didn’t register with the Nielsen folks.
Besides football, the Indians-Astros game was outdrawn by the WNBA playoffs (0.5), a rerun of “The Cosby Show” (0.5) and the NFL Network flashing scores on its screen (0.16).
There is precedent for this. Last year, an Astros game in September garnered a 0.05 rating on a September Sunday, according to the Houston Chronicle.
Said an Astros spokesman: “With respect to the Nielsen Co., there were Astros fans watching the game Sunday. We appreciate their loyalty and support.”
Which proves Houstonians would rather watch Matt Schaub throw interceptions than Brett Oberholtzer throw strikes.
■ DODGER POOL PARTY — Apparently, that celebration Thursday by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the Chase Field pool had a 3-year-old element to it.
According to Tony Jackson at Dodger Scribe, at least one player, possibly more, urinated in the pool during their postgame celebration. Jackson reports that the player, who he declined to identify, bragged about peeing in the pool, and after mulling it over, Jackson decided to report it.
“To me, that takes this to a whole different place,” he wrote in his blog. “It takes it from a giddy spontaneous celebration to an ugly disgusting display of utter classlessness.”
Jackson apologized for not reporting on the incident sooner but decided he couldn’t let it slide. Too bad he didn’t name the guilty party.
As for the pool, the Diamondbacks need to add extra chlorine the next time the Dodgers visit Phoenix.
■ LIFE IMITATES ART — Apparently, Zachary Burgess forgot that the video game “Grand Theft Auto” is, well, just a video game.
Burgess, a freshman lacrosse player at Auburn, was in Baton Rouge, La., for the Auburn-Louisiana State football game last weekend. Apparently, there’s not a lot to do at 2:30 a.m., so Burgess decided to create his own fun. He jumped into an open cab of an idling truck outside a bar and went for a joy ride.
Burgess didn’t realize a woman was sitting in the front seat, and that didn’t stop him. He wound up hitting nine parked cars while the terrified woman got out of the cab.
When asked by the cops why he did it, Burgess meekly replied, “I wanted to see what it was really like to play the video game ‘Grand Theft Auto.’ ” He was charged with nine counts of hit-and-run, theft of a motor vehicle and one count of simple kidnapping.
While they were at it, the Baton Rouge cops should have charged Burgess with stupidity in the first degree.
COMPILED BY STEVE CARP LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL