Happy New Year!
If we at Leftovers could have one resolution for 2014, it’s that the buffoonery of drunken coeds at college football games, lunatic high school football coaches and abusers of Facebook and Instagram don’t disappear. If abhorrent behavior were to stop, then what would we fill the 12 inches of this column with?
So we begin the new year with an old friend — Tim Tebow. The former NFL quarterback was shopping for a television home, and sure enough, ESPN, the network that was “All Tebow, all the time,” has brought him to Bristol, Conn.
Technically, Tebow, the former All-American at Florida and 2007 Heisman Trophy winner, will be an analyst on the new SEC Network, which is owned by ESPN. Naturally, the three-year deal has an “out” clause for Tebow in the event an NFL team is delusional enough to think he still can play.
So come August when college football begins to rev up, be prepared for plenty of Tebow Time on ESPN and its multiple platforms. You know Skip Bayless can’t wait.
■ ONE-MAN STAND — Another dismal football season has ended for the Cleveland Browns, and their loyal fan base gets to go through another coaching change as Rob Chudzinski was axed after one season that saw the Browns go 4-12.
On Monday morning, one fan decided he wasn’t going to stand idly by and watch the cycle of bleakness start again. The fan parked himself in front of the team’s offices wearing the requisite bag over his head holding a sign that read: “Thanks for 15 years of pain and misery.”
Apparently, the one-man protest didn’t sit well with the team. A security guard was dispatched, and the protester was told to move across the street, which he did. The incident was captured on camera, leaving one witty fan to say on Twitter: “At least he, by crossing the street, was able to gain ten yards.”
■ HANDS OFF THE TREES — At Auburn, there’s this “quaint” tradition of festooning the trees at Toomer’s Corner with toilet paper. In Pasadena, Calif., they also have a quaint tradition — “Deface a tree, go to jail.”
The Tigers are at the Rose Bowl on Monday to play Florida State in the Bowl Championship Series title game. And their fans are on notice to leave the Charmin in Alabama.
The Rose Bowl’s official website reminded the Auburn faithful not to attempt to cover the palm trees around the stadium with toilet paper. Such an attempt will result in action against violators by the Pasadena Police Department.
And for you Alabama fans who are going to the game disguised as Florida State supporters, don’t go near the palm trees either and try and poison them. That’s also a crime in Pasadena.
■ GOTTA LOVE REX — Rex Ryan still is the coach of the New York Jets. And when he met with reporters Tuesday, someone asked him what he would have thought had he been fired after leading the Jets, who despite playing a rookie quarterback in Geno Smith, finished 8-8.
“I would have seen it as a mistake,” Ryan replied.
So would the headline writers at the New York tabloids.
COMPILED BY STEVE CARP LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL