Maher (almost) welcomes a Trump presidency

President Trump is going to make pot-smoking, Obama-loving Bill Maher even richer by providing him and other comics with ready-made punch lines.

“It’s already gold. It’s been gold for months. And it’s going to be gold,” Maher told me Wednesday.

“You can almost not keep up with how ridiculous this man is. That’s the challenge for comedy, is that he out-comics us. He’s so preposterous, he’s almost beyond parody.”

Maher — HBO’s “Real Time” star and The Mirage hotel’s marquee headliner on March 12 and 13 — is the Las Vegas headliner who Trump sued. Why?

Maher had joked he’d give Trump $5 million to prove he’s not an orangutan. What happened with that?

“The moron went to court with his birth certificate, as if the birth certificate was going to say ‘orangutan’ on it,” Maher joked. Trump dropped the suit.

Maher is “a little giddy about the civil war in the Republican Party,” which is publicly trying to stop its top vote-getter.

“Stop Trump?” Maher said. “What are they gonna do? Bring in Iron Man? How can you stop someone who’s getting the most votes in your party?”

Like other people, Maher thought Trump might implode by saying something crazy, but Trump became only more popular after saying John McCain isn’t a war hero, and after it was inferred Trump mentioned Megyn Kelly’s menstrual cycle and mocked a guy with arthrogryposis, a congenital condition affecting the joints.

Nothing stops Trump.

“I don’t know what he would have to do to turn off his voters,” Maher said. “He’d have to call Reagan (a gay slur) or fart in Jesus’ face.”

Maher isn’t 100 percent giddy. Trump rallies look scary.

“The way fights break out is a little Hitler-y when they’re beating up people in the crowd,” Maher joked.

And Maher doesn’t think Trump has the kindly temperament that helped Ronald Reagan — a rational analogy since Reagan was also ridiculed at first, because he was the B-actor who played second fiddle to a chimp in “Bedtime for Bonzo.”

“Donald Trump,” Maher said, “this guy gets into Twitter wars with Demi Lovato. What do you think he’s going to do with Paul Ryan?”

Demi Lovato is a 5-foot-3 pop singer.

Speaking of actors, the mood in Hollywood is alarm.

“I was at the Vanity Fair dinner and party during and after the Oscars,” Maher said, “and if I had a nickel for every single person that came up to me and said, ‘Bill, can Trump really win?’ …

“That is the question on every single person’s lips.”

And yet, Hillary Clinton is on track to get the Democratic nomination, and Maher isn’t any easier on her unpopularity, since polls show both Trump and Clinton have high “negatives” (more people dislike them than like them).

“If Trump is nominated, he will be the candidate with the highest negatives in history as a major party nominee, and Hillary would be the second-highest negatives of any candidate ever,” Maher said.

“The people who hate Trump really hate him, and the people who hate Hillary really hate her.

“And that’s what we’re going to fight over.”

In related news, many people have said they’ll leave America if Trump wins, then Canada’s immigration website crashed after Trump and Clinton won Super Tuesday. But I’ve heard New Zealand is also quite nice.

Engvall not on self-driving bandwagon

Comedian Bill Engvall performs Friday at TI during NASCAR week on the Strip. He and I tried to connect by phone but had to resort to an email Q&A (edited for style and length).

Question: Have you ever ridden in a NASCAR?

Answer: I have ridden in one and I can tell you it scared the hell out of me. I was riding with Wally Dallenbach and he actually scraped the wall on MY side. I nearly freaked.

Question: Are you as excited as I am about self-driving cars, so I can play video games in the car instead of driving?

Answer: I am not going to have one until EVERYONE has to drive them. Because as long as there is one person that is driving himself, I know he will run into me hahahaha.

Question: What was the worst car you ever had?

Answer: I owned a Ford Falcon, a ’62 I believe. I loved that car but it was a definite POS. When I would sit at a light it burned so much oil, it looked like a cloud sitting at the intersection.

Question: Do you have any news for me?

Answer: I did do a movie that will be coming out this year called “The Neighbor.” All I can tell you is, get ready to be shocked. It is not the Bill Engvall that everyone knows. It’s dark and scary. I loved every minute of filming it.

Doug Elfman can be reached at He blogs at On Twitter: @VegasAnonymous

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