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E! People’s Choice Awards remind us all to make better choices

Updated November 10, 2018 - 10:27 pm

As anyone who’s ever so much as glanced at election returns can tell you, the people’s choice can not only be messy, it can be downright embarrassing.

The cultural punching bag known as the People’s Choice Awards have been a head-scratcher from the beginning, all the way back in 1975, when Mac Davis bested John Denver and Elton John as favorite male singer.

As time went on, the people cared less and less about what they chose, and in increasing numbers, they chose to watch other trophy presentations. For the first time, the People’s Choice Awards — the only ceremony that can make the MTV Movie Awards look like the Oscars had a baby with the Nobel Prize — won’t air on CBS.

Rechristened the E! People’s Choice Awards, this year’s ceremony can be seen at 9 p.m. Sunday on its namesake cable channel — because if there’s any place that should be the arbiter of good taste, it’s the home of the Kardashians and “Botched.”

Here’s a look at some of the Sophie’s Choices the people were confronted with in voting for this year’s “winners”:

Movie of 2018

The nominees: “Avengers: Infinity War,” “Black Panther,” “Fifty Shades Freed,” “Incredibles 2,” “A Quiet Place”

To be fair, these nominees are accurate. Each of these five was, in fact, a movie of 2018. But any list on which “Fifty Shades Freed” appears — outside of the Razzie Awards or a compilation of movies to never, ever watch with your parents or children — only serves as an example of why the Academy Awards decided to back out of presenting the Oscar for outstanding achievement in popular film.

Drama Movie of 2018

The nominees: “Fifty Shades Freed,” “12 Strong,” “Midnight Sun,” “A Quiet Place,” “Red Sparrow”

I’m not going to lie, I had to Google “Midnight Sun.” The Bella Thorne-Patrick Schwarzenegger romance about a teenage girl who’s allergic to sunlight was also allergic to moviegoers, earning a paltry $9.5 million at the box office.

Comedy Movie of 2018

The nominees: “Blockers,” “Crazy Rich Asians,” “Love, Simon,” “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again,” “The Spy Who Dumped Me”

“Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again” was a comedy?

Drama Movie Star of 2018

The nominees: Emily Blunt, “A Quiet Place”; Jamie Dornan, “Fifty Shades Freed”; Chris Hemsworth, “12 Strong”; John Krasinski, “A Quiet Place”; Jennifer Lawrence, “Red Sparrow”

Even if you can somehow hot-wire your brain to include an actor from “Fifty Shades Freed” on this list, how could you possibly opt for Jamie Dornan over Dakota Johnson? The award is for drama movie star, not set decoration.

Comedy Movie Star of 2018

The nominees: John Cena, “Blockers”; Mila Kunis, “The Spy Who Dumped Me”; Melissa McCarthy, “Life of the Party”; Nick Robinson, “Love, Simon”; Amanda Seyfried, “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again”

No, seriously, “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again” was a comedy?

Show of 2018

The nominees: “The Big Bang Theory,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments,” “13 Reasons Why,” “This Is Us”

Shadow what?

Female TV Star of 2018

The nominees: Viola Davis, “How to Get Away With Murder”; Katherine McNamara, “Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments”; Camila Mendes, “Riverdale”; Mandy Moore, “This Is Us”; Ellen Pompeo, “Grey’s Anatomy”

Congrats, “Shadowhunters” fans. That’s clearly some Russia-level election hacking.

Male TV Star of 2018

The nominees: Justin Chambers, “Grey’s Anatomy”; Freddie Highmore, “The Good Doctor”; Andrew Lincoln, “The Walking Dead”; Harry Shum Jr., “Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments”; Cole Sprouse, “Riverdale”

As embarrassing as it would be to win this, can you imagine losing to the guy who plays Jughead?

Animal Star of 2018

The nominees: April the Giraffe, Cole & Marmalade, Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund, Gone to the Snow Dogs, Lil BUB

This is beyond ridiculous. The winner is obviously Lil BUB.

TV to watch

In the final episode of “Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown” (6 p.m. Sunday, CNN), the late chef explores Manhattan’s Lower East Side.

The documentary “24/7 The Match: Tiger vs. Phil” (10 p.m. Tuesday, HBO) chronicles the preparation for the live pay-per-view golf match set for Nov. 23 at Shadow Creek in Las Vegas.

Acting teacher Sandy Kominsky (Michael Douglas) and his longtime agent (Alan Arkin) navigate their later years in Los Angeles in “The Kominsky Method” (Friday, Netflix), from comedy juggernaut Chuck Lorre.

“A Head Full of Dreams” (Friday, Amazon) follows Coldplay’s rise to stardom by blending new footage with material captured over the band’s first 20 years.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4567. Follow @life_onthecouch on Twitter.

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