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Hey, you crazy HLN, get off my lawn!

Hey, you crazy HLN, get off my lawn!

There hasn’t been a moment in the history of MTV, E! or even Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel that’s made me feel older and more out of touch than the latest batch of new shows announced by HLN.

Earlier this year, the channel once quaintly known as Headline News rebranded itself as “the first TV home for the social media generation.”

At the time, it announced a few shows, such as “One.Click.Away,” which promised to provide “the untold stories behind the online classifieds … the world’s biggest yard sale. Going beyond the hyperlinks, HLN digs into such stories as the unused wedding dress for sale on Craigslist and the people behind those strange and hilarious roommate ads.”


But today’s information dump sounds truly horrifying, at least for anyone older than, say, 25.

The mainstay looks to be something called “The Daily Share,” a “one-hour news and information show … that will provide a digest of what people are watching, searching, playing, sharing, shopping and creating in every aspect of their social media lives.”

That, in and of itself, might not be so bad. Heck, it sounds like “60 Minutes” compared to some of the other announced shows, including:

“2 Spouses, 3 Houses” — YouTube star Jessica Edwards looks at a couple’s social media “likes, hearts and pins” to help her find three choices for their dream home: one perfect for one, one for the other, and one she thinks they both will “like.”

“America’s Most Liked” — Now there’s a game show that can take someone from Internet nobody to web superstar. One just has to use their special or unusual talents to compete in viral challenges and try to get the most “likes” from the all screens audience.

“The Social Life” — Twitter star, travel junkie, sports fan and foodie, Ali Nejad enlists his nearly 1 million online followers to help him take on missions, from building homes for the homeless to joining a pro soccer team for a day.

“Beyond The Like” — Sometimes, there’s a lot more to a viral video than a quick thrill. This themed half-hour series curates viral moments and explores how the individuals behind extraordinary projects have made their mark online.

At least HLN had the good sense to rename one of the shows it announced in February. “I Can Haz NewsToons” will now be known as just “NewsToonz.”

I never imagined I’d say this, but is it too late to just hand the whole channel over to Nancy Grace?

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