Plenty of ways for Lady Gaga to earn some extra dough after her gig at the Palms

It could be seen as a very literal use of a song whose true meaning is anything but.

Recently, Palms officials announced that they have licensed the exclusive rights to Lady Gaga’s "Poker Face" for use in commercials for the property.

It’s a great tune, all jackhammer beats and breathy come-ons, though Gaga has said in interviews that it’s really about fantasizing about being with another woman while in bed with her man.

Hey, who’s up for some keno?

Still, the ad spot got us thinking — yeah, we do that from time to time, we just try not make a habit of it — about some other brilliant moneymaking opportunities for one of pop’s biggest breakout stars of 2009.

And so in honor of Lady Gaga’s show at the Palms tonight, here are some slam-dunk endorsement suggestions.

Read on, as we ponder how to spend our much deserved commission checks.

Abreva

Judging from her hot-and-bothered hits, which are about as subtle as a bull mastiff humping your leg, Gaga is pretty much the female Bret Michaels — only with slightly less obvious wigs.

Seriously, in her songs, she sees more action than a post-Taco Bell digestive tract.

We hear her bedsprings recently filed for protective custody.

With this in mind, we all know what you get when you box tonsils with too many strangers: cold sores, those fluid-filled blisters o’ romance. Just think of them as little bull’s eyes for Cupid’s arrow.

And so, really, who better to pimp their remedy than Gaga?

For when you’ve sucked too much poker face …

Subway

"Take a bite of my bad girl meat," Gaga commands on the tawdry "Teeth," sinking her chompers into an obvious cash tie-in: the Subway "Lady Gaga Bad Girl Meat Sandwich."

Can’t you just see it now?

Hey, why are you clawing at your eyes like a badger attempting to dig a fresh den in wet cement all of a sudden?

Pay attention, this is serious.

Anyways, the ingredients would be obvious: It would have to be way hammy and cheesy, and feature two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, well, so do most of her songs.

Freecreditreport.com

If you want to get with Gaga, your pockets had better be as deep as Stephen Hawking in a submarine.

"I can’t help myself, I’m addicted to a life of the material," she purrs on "The Fame." "We wanna live the life of the rich and the famous," she adds on the chorus.

Bet you’re regretting your 3 a.m. purchase of that Mr. T Chia Pet that you really couldn’t afford, aren’t ya? And really, did you need the director’s cut of all three seasons of "Herman’s Head" on Blu-Ray?

Well, OK, we’ll give you that last one.

Anyways, you’ll need to clean up your dubious credit history right about now to keep Gaga flush with those fancy schmancy cocktails that she so digs — Jager Bomb, mon cheri? — and this site will help.

Plus, if Gaga signs on, as she most assuredly will upon reading this, it’ll get rid of those three birth abnormalities who currently star in the company’s commercials.

Man, those dudes are annoying — you know, kind of like weekdays, having to feed your children and, well, us.

Timex

A girl’s gotta keep track of her 15 minutes of fame somehow doesn’t she?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Now, we’re not suggesting that Gaga’s career isn’t built to last, or that it will be about as enduring as a bulletproof vest fashioned from toothpicks.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Honestly, we love Gaga.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

She’s a lot more fun than we are.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Are you still here?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

That wasn’t a question for you, dear reader.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.

ad-high_impact_4
Entertainment
New Brunch Spot The Stove Makes Unicorn Hot Chocolate And Bananas Foster Pancakes
New Brunch Spot The Stove Makes Unicorn Hot Chocolate And Bananas Foster Pancakes. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
The Octopus On The Las Vegas Strip Predicted The Winner Of The World Cup
The Octopus On The Las Vegas Strip Predicted The Winner Of The World Cup. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
TLC by the Numbers
Watch Ruthless! at Las Vegas Little Theatre
The musical Ruthless! will be playing at Las Vegas Little Theatre from July 13-29. (Marcus Villagran/Las Vegas Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
How to feel like a kid again in Las Vegas
How to feel like a kid again in Las Vegas
People Lined Up For Over 5 Hours For Build-a-bear's "Pay Your Age" Promotion At Galleria Mall
People Lined Up For Over 5 Hours For Build-a-bear's "Pay Your Age" Promotion At Galleria Mall. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Cadaver art and sword swallowing at The Dark Arts Market
Curator Erin Emrie talks about her inspiration for The Dark Arts Market at Cornish Pasty Co. in Las Vegas Tuesday, July 10, 2018. (Marcus Villagran/Las Vegas Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
Over 40,000 People Attend The 4th Of July Parade In Summerlin In Las Vegas
Over 40,000 People Attend The 4th Of July Parade In Summerlin In Las Vegas. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
What to expect at Station Casinos' Fourth of July celebration
Station Casinos' is hosting its annual 4th of July celebration with Fireworks by Grucci. Fireworks scheduled to go off on Wednesday, July 4 around 9 p.m. at Green Valley Ranch Resort, Red Rock Resort, Fiesta Rancho and Texas Station. (Marcus Villagran/Las Vegas Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
Pawn Stars' Richard Harrison honored at memorial service
A memorial service was conducted for Richard "Old Man" Harrison at Palm Mortuary in Las Vegas on Sunday, July 1, 2018. (Marcus Villagran/Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
Tourists and locals enjoy Independence Day fireworks at Caesars Palace
Hundreds of tourists and locals gaze at the Independence Day fireworks show at Caesars Palace on Saturday, June 30, 2018. (Marcus Villagran/Las Vegas Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
5 must-see bands at Warped Tour 2018
Five must-see bands at Warped Tour 2018
This Banana Split In Las Vegas Is Made With Fire And Liquid Nitrogen Right At Your Table.
This Banana Split In Las Vegas Is Made With Fire And Liquid Nitrogen Right At Your Table. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Pixar Pier At Disneyland Is Open With New Food And A New Roller Coaster
Pixar Pier At Disneyland Is Open With New Food And A New Roller Coaster (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Here's What It's Like To Ride The New Incredicoaster At Disneyland
Here's What It's Like To Ride The New Incredicoaster At Disneyland (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
"Pawn Stars" fans visit Richard Harrison's memorial at Gold & Silver Pawn
"Pawn Stars" fans from around the world visit the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas following the passing of Richard "Old Man" Harrison on Monday, June 25, 2018. (Marcus Villagran/Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
Get a sneak peek at Palace Station's newest renovations
Station Casinos spokesperson Lori Nelson gives a first look at what Palace Station's $192 million renovation will bring. Some areas will begin opening to the public next week according to Nelson. (Marcus Villagran/Las Vegas Review-Journal) @brokejournalist
You Can Only Get The 11-pound 8-person Burger In Las Vegas
You Can Only Get The 11-pound 8-person Burger In Las Vegas (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Paul McCartney is worth over $1 billion
Sir Paul McCartney is one of the most celebrated and accomplished musicians in history. He just turned 76 on June 18. McCartney grew to international fame with the Beatles and went on to become a wildly successful solo musician. Paul McCartney’s net worth is estimated at $1.2 billion, according to Celebrity Net Worth. In 2017, McCartney landed the No. 13 spot on Forbes’ list of the world’s highest-paid musicians, earning $54 million for the year. On Thursday, June 20, McCartney will release a double A-side single featuring two new songs, "I Don't Know" and "Come On to Me." McCartney has yet to announce a title of his new album or when it will be released. Th album is expected to be released before he headlines the Austin City Limits Music fest in October.
Bellagio's New Conservatory Brings Italian Summer To Las Vegas
Bellagio's New Conservatory Brings Italian Summer To Las Vegas (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Kari Curletto of Las Vegas put over 500 hours into making her toilet paper wedding dress. (Courtesy Kari Curletto)
Kari Curletto of Las Vegas put over 500 hours into making her toilet paper wedding dress. (Courtesy Kari Curletto)
The Real Crepe In Las Vegas Serves Authentic Crepes In The Style Of Brittany, France
The Real Crepe In Las Vegas Serves Authentic Crepes In The Style Of Brittany, France. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
New Marilyn Musical Brings Screen Icons Life To Strip
Paris Las Vegas hosts musical bio featuring new, old tunes. (Carol Cling Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Vegas' hottest concerts of the summer
Vegas' hottest concerts of the summer
We Taste-tested The Best Doughnut Shops In Las Vegas
We Taste-tested The Best Doughnut Shops In Las Vegas. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
5 must-see bands at Punk Rock Bowling 2018
5 must-see bands at Punk Rock Bowling 2018
Gabi Coffee & Bakery Is Like A Korean Speakeasy From The 1920s
Gabi Coffee & Bakery Is Like A Korean Speakeasy From The 1920s (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
The "13 Reasons Why" mustang cruises down the Las Vegas Strip (Courtesy Netflix)
4 fun and fascinating museums in Las Vegas
TOP NEWS
News Headlines
ad-infeed_1
ads_infeed_2
Local Spotlight
Add Event
Home Front Page Footer Listing
Circular
You May Like

You May Like