Give her a ride, let her swing from rafters

Comedian Judy Tenuta – she of the accordion – has a simple request for Steve Wynn. She wants him to turn her into a Vegas ride.

“It would have to be a replica of me, because nobody’s going to ride me” on a human-body level, says Tenuta, who performs at Palace Station tonight through Saturday.

“I would hope he would turn me into a ceiling, like he did with the ceiling at the Bellagio with the flowers. A Goddess Ceiling would be nice, and people could swing from it.”

Oh, that Judy Tenuta, is still crazy.

And she is still making fun of pop culture. She put out a music video last year mocking Lady Gaga. It’s called “Hot Bra Cones.” It is crafty, and Tenuta sings while dressed as stupidly as Gaga:

“Hello, hello, baby, I just love to hide my face. Cover it all up with crap like I’m from outer space. Talk just like a baby, ‘goo goo gaga ooh la la.’ And pretty soon you’ll figure out Madonna is my mama.”

But when I tell Tenuta I don’t like Gaga, she flips out.

“What do you mean? I love her! But I love all of them. I love Madonna. I love her. I love anybody who is so creative like that,” Tenuta says.

“She’s from another planet, that girl. And she’s put on 30 pounds. She’s ready for the Thanksgiving Day parade.”

The person Tenuta reserves actual distaste for is Lindsay Lohan, who she calls “Lick Me Blow Hands.” Lohan is “pathetic,” especially for drunken driving, she says. But she’s even willing to cut Lohan a bit of a break.

“When you’re a child star like that, it’s very difficult,” Tenuta says.

Lohan didn’t have as nice of a home life as the more stable ex-child star, Selena Gomez, she says.

“Lindsay’s parents are constantly fighting over screen time. They’re just as bad as she is. Where does she get it from, you know what I’m saying?”

But Tenuta has other targets. She wants to “bitch slap” Simon Cowell for wanting to ask Khloe Kardashian to host “X Factor.” The Kardashian family itself is a bunch of “no talents.”

But the worst in her eyes may be the family on “Honey Boo Boo,” issuing such sentences as “We’re gonna slide into the tractor with our mud!”

“I can’t look at people that ugly, I’m sorry,” Tenuta says.

“I want to look at my movie stars who are being paid $10 million or $20 million a picture, and they better act well,” she says.

“You are disqualified from television if you have talent. Look at these housewives: Who can get better trout mouth? … ‘I just bitch-slapped my husband with my trout-mouth so I deserve more screen time!’ ”

Yeah, that basically sums up why I don’t watch much TV anymore.

Doug Elfman’s column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Email him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.

ad-high_impact_4
Entertainment
Skybar at Waldorf Astoria lets you sip your way through Las Vegas history
Skybar At Waldorf Astoria Lets You Sip Your Way Through Las Vegas History (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Stan Lee in Las Vegas for Madame Tussauds unveiling
Stan Lee Las Vegas speaks with the Review-Journal's Chris Lawrence about his love for his fans and shared universes. (Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Ultimate Belgium Waffle Sundae at Lavo
Lavo at the Palazzo serves a 16-scoop ice cream sundae that costs $800. (Rochelle Ricahrds, Janna Karel/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
A New Zip Line Is Opening On The Las Vegas Strip
A New Zip Line Is Opening On The Las Vegas Strip (Janna Karel lLas Vegas Review-Journal)
You'll need a keen eye to find this secret bar on the Las Vegas Strip
You'll need a keen eye to find this secret bar on the Las Vegas Strip (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
"The Lion King" roars into Las Vegas
New music club 172 brings loud luxury to Las Vegas
New music venue at the Rio brings rock ’n’ roll and food together at intimate club. K.M. Cannon/Las Vegas Review-Journal
Fans fear for Zak Bagans’ safety in Las Vegas Halloween TV special
Fly Linq zip line time lapse
Fly Linq zip line timelapse
Shaq opens Las Vegas restaurant, Big Chicken
Shaq opens Las Vegas restaurant, Big Chicken
Robert Deniro And Chef Nobu Talk About The Success Of Nobu
Robert Deniro And Chef Nobu Talk About The Success Of Nobu (Al Mancini Las Vegas Review-journal)
Nevada Ballet Theatre rehearses for "Dracula" at The Smith Center
Nevada Ballet Theatre rehearses for "Dracula" at The Smith Center (Janna Karel/ Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Downtown Summerlin hosts its annual Festival of Arts
People crowd to Downtown Summerlin for the 23rd annual Summerlin Festival of Arts in Las Vegas, Sunday, Oct. 14, 2018. (Caroline Brehman/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Bellagio, MGM Resorts International’s luxury hotel turns 20
The more than 3,000-room Bellagio hotel is situated on the site of the former Dunes Hotel. The Dunes was imploded in 1993, and construction of the Bellagio started in 1996. It cost $1.6 billion to build, making it the most expensive hotel in the world at the time. The Bellagio was former Wynn Resorts Ltd. Chairman and CEO Steve Wynn’s second major casino on the Strip after The Mirage. MGM Resorts International acquired the property from Steve Wynn in 2000. (Tara Mack/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Recycled Art and Cute Dogs at Summerlin Festival Of Arts
Recycled Art, Cute Dogs Abound At Summerlin Festival Of Arts (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Bellagio Patisserie Creates Life-size Sculpture Of 20th Anniversary Of Cirque Du Soleil Show
Bellagio Patisserie Creates Life-size Sculpture Of 20th Anniversary Of Cirque Du Soleil Show (Janna Karel/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
10 Most Iconic Moments At The Bellagio Fountains
10 Most Iconic Moments At The Bellagio Fountains (Janna Karel/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Jason Aldean talks about the possibility of a Las Vegas residency
Country superstar Jason Aldean discusses his feelings about playing in Las Vegas and says he'd be interested in a Las Vegas residency when the time is right at the iHeart Radio Music Festival in Las Vegas on September 21, 2018.(John Katsilometes/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Block 16 Urban Food Hall Serves Favorite Foods From Across The US
Block 16 Urban Food Hall Serves Favorite Foods From Across The US (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Benny the Skating Dog could be the next Golden Knights on-ice entertainment
Benny the Skating Dog could be the next Golden Knights on-ice entertainment (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Who To Watch At Life Is Beautiful
Life Is Beautiful Setup
Workers preparing Fremont street for this weekend's Life is Beautiful festival, on Wednesday, September 19, 2018. Mat Luschek/Las Vegas Review-Journal
The 46th annual Greek Food Festival will feed 25,000 people in Las Vegas
Madame Tussauds Has The Newest VR Experience On The Strip
Madame Tussauds Has The Newest VR Experience On The Strip. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Zia Records Move
Zias Records is moving from its Sahara Avenue and Arville Street location to a bigger store. (Mat Luscheck/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Students At The International Contortion Convention In Las Vegas Learn How To Bend And Twist Their Bodies
Students At The International Contortion Convention In Las Vegas Learn How To Bend And Twist Their Bodies. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Video from Fertitta wedding Sep. 1
video from @wedstagrams of Fertitta wedding at Red Rock Resort
You Can Get Vegan Unicorn Toast In Downtown Las Vegas
You Can Get Vegan Unicorn Toast In Downtown Las Vegas (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
TOP NEWS
News Headlines
Add Event
Home Front Page Footer Listing
Circular
You May Like

You May Like