DMV trip an exercise in exasperation

Visit No. 1:

"Hi!" (Extremely perky, after a 29-minute wait.) "I need to transfer a title from Ohio to North Carolina, and I finally got the title from the dealership, thank goodness, because it's a car I helped my son lease as a Christmas surprise, and now he's driving it around and the temporary tag is going to run out this Friday." (Ha ha, sons! What can you do?)

"Hhmmmph." (Deep frown -- this has never been done before in the history of mankind.) "Do you have the title?"

"Oh!" (Silly me!) "Yes, it's right here. I called the DMV office this morning to be sure I had what I needed, so here's my driver's license and insurance card."

"Hhmmmph." (Looks down on the side of the counter where I can't see and begins to write ... and write ... and write ... and write. I'm thinking "Wow, this is much easier than I thought.") "OK" (huge sigh, from years of dealing with one ignoramus after another ... she puts everything back up on the counter, with a piece of paper -- apparently the stuff she's been writing -- and proceeds to point to each thing with her pencil), "you need to bring in the power of attorney from Toyota (point), you need to get their tax exempt number (point), and if they want to fax it to us, they can, and here's our fax number," (point, sigh, sit back, exhausted).

"Uh" (weakly, stunned), "but I called ahead. They said I'd only need the title?"

"Well" (spectacular sigh), "whoever you talked to didn't tell you right." (Bored; get out!)

"But if I ask them to fax this, don't I need to be here when you get it?"

"Uh, yes, ma'am." (Eye roll; could you be any stupider?)

"So, I'd need to call them right now and we'd both have to stand here -- I mean you're sitting, I'm standing (ha ha, can we be best friends?) until the enormous Toyota leasing company decides to fax something to North Carolina?"

"Well, that's up to you, ma'am," (shifting on her seat, a touch of attitude) "but you'll have to get back in line, though."

(Not if you GAVE me a car!) "And, when I get to the front of the line, if they haven't faxed it yet, I have to go to the end of the line again? I might as well move in!"

"Ma'am," (astounding sigh; you are on my last nerve) "I need to take care of these people."

Visit No. 2:

"Hi again!" (18-minute wait; still perky) "I saw you yesterday about transferring a title from Ohio to North Carolina, remember me? And, the dealer said he had no idea what you meant about faxing a power of attorney. He said Toyota has powers of attorney on file in every state already." (Speak faster! She's shaking her head! She wants to deny you this golden title transfer; damned if you're going to let her!) "But, he sent down this form, giving me power of attorney to transfer ownership, and it shows their name and my name, and everything!"

"Hhmmmph." (Scrutinizes the paper like it's the secret code to a terrorist plot.) "Ma'am," (attitude is back) "I don't know what he's talking about, but he needs to send the power of attorney to you, or he can fax it to us. Here's our fax number" (point). I don't know what this is, but it's not a power of attorney."

"Yes, yes it is! See, the first sentence says 'power of attorney'? So, they already gave me power of attorney to SELL THE CAR!" (Remember: Stop at CVS to check blood pressure.) "And, all the car information is on there, too, so obviously I have the power to transfer the title, right?" (Please, if you have one shred of decency.)

"Ma'am," (no!) "I need a power of attorney that says across the top 'Power of Attorney,' and I need the tax exempt number." (You are freakin' dense!)

"But," (developing a teensy attitude myself) "you don't mean tax 'exempt,' do you? Because it's a car dealership, and they certainly aren't exempt from taxes" (ha ha), "and their tax ID number is right here on this form." (Who's dense now, lady?)

"Whatever, ma'am." (Impatient, eye roll; get out!) "I just know I gotta have the power of attorney on a power of attorney form, ma'am."

(If she says "power of attorney" one more time, I will have a seizure right here!)

"He can fax it to you, or he can fax it here. And" (point) ...

All together now: "Here's our fax number!"

(Pause for Merlot -- more next week.)

Vicki Wentz's column, which appears here on Sundays, is published in newspapers across the country. She is a high school teacher who lives in Chapel Hill, N.C. Readers may contact her at vwentz@mindspring.com.