As any legitimate child nutritionist will tell you, it’s not what you pack for your kid’s lunch that matters, it’s what you pack it in.
Funyuns and Red Bull? Go for it, so long as it comes in a sweet lunch box that captures the essence of your offspring.
But how do you determine which lunch box is right for you and your young’un?
That’s where we come in. To help you find the perfect lunch box for your perfect (cough) child, here’s a handy guide matching examples of the latter with the former.
The goody two-shoes
Apparently, escorting little old ladies across the street, helping the blind to see and all that looking out for one’s fellow man can really work up the ol’ appetite.
We wouldn’t know.
The last kid you want to cut in front off when lining up for lunch
Don’t think hangriness is a thing? We didn’t either, and now after getting in the way of someone suffering from said affliction, we’re typing this with one hand.
At least you get fair warning here.
The kid who refuses to smile in yearbook pictures
What goes well with painting your fingernails black, frowning, dying your hair black, frowning and more frowning?
A yummy tuna fish sandwich — cut the crusts off, Ma! — packaged in this goth-worthy “Beetlejuice” tote.
The future yoga instructor
And juice boxes.
The youngster who gets a little too excited about the prospect of dissecting frogs in biology class one day
We’re not saying watch out for this kid.
But watch out for this kid.
The kid whose parents are totally going to get arrested at Area 51 next month
Of course aliens exist.
And so do trespassing laws.
The kid whose parents really want you to know how cool their record collection is
Hipsters aren’t born; they’re made.
This is a good place to start.
The kid whose parents totally, totally raised her right. Totally
You win, Mom and Dad. You win.