The whole plot of “New Super Mario Bros. Wii” is you play as Mario (or Luigi or Toad) while fighting your way through a magical land of walking mushrooms and winged turtles, en route to finding and saving Princess Peach, who has been kidnapped — for the zillionth time.
Princess Peach: The most kidnapped character in the history of any art form. You’d think by now, she’d hire security goons and maybe Beatrix Kiddo from the “Kill Bill” movies to protect her from the abducting clutches of Bowser. But no, she serves as a professional career victim.
Anyway, “New Super Mario Bros. Wii” packs no surprises if you know “Mario” games. It’s a side-scrolling platform-jumping adventure, and it feels and plays exactly like “Mario” games have for 20 years. Though, it looks somewhat prettier. And despite its lack of newness, it’s very fun.
Even though the word “Mario” might make you think it’s a kiddie game (thus easy), it’s not. It’s very challenging to beat, with crafty obstacles and time limits. If you’re a casual gamer, it might be so hard, it’ll frustrate you while charming you.
On the other hand, if you poor performers die eight times in a level, you can choose to let the game take over for you briefly, then you watch as Luigi races through your stuck-level, showing you how to beat it. That’s kinda cool.
Let’s be specific: You run from left to right, or climb upward, jumping over empty spaces and avoiding as many villains as you can. You sprint or swim across desert landscapes, and underwater worlds, and the tropics, and snow-covered hills — all while killing or avoiding an amazing number of man-eating plants, and evil clouds, and blue monsters throwing spiky boulders at your head.
There is something new. We in the gaming press have talked a lot about the new four-person cooperative multiplayer. You can play with up to three friends, and the four of you take on these same “Mario” levels together. This is a great, great addition to party gaming, and to cooperative multiplaying.
But you should know the four-person cooperative mode is even harder — way, way harder — than the solo adventure. I invited two dudes over to my place to play co-op, and we could barely get through the early, “easy” levels. My friend Ched exclaimed, “This is just madness!”
The madness is chaos. In co-op mode, the game throws at you an unreal amount of killer mushrooms, killer turtles and anything else that kills. My friends and I were so daunted, we switched to the co-op mode of “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2,” which seemed like a breeze by comparison.
So, bonking the heads of winged turtles in “Mario” is harder than scope-sniping an enemy soldier in “Warfare 2.” Maybe that’s why Princess Peach puts up a weak defense against getting kidnapped: She lives in a very dangerous land of meanies. Oh, it’s a pretty land. But her kingdom offers a hard-knock life.
(“New Super Mario Bros. Wii” by Nintendo retails for $50 for Wii — Plays very fun, both as a solo side-scroller and as an offline cooperative multiplayer. Very challenging, especially in cooperative mode. Looks great for a “2-D” game. Rated “E” for comic mischief. Four stars out of four.)
Contact Doug Elfman at email@example.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.NEW IN STORES
“God of War Collection” just snuck onto store shelves, or at least if feels that way. With all the media hubbub surrounding “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2” and “New Super Mario Bros. Wii,” this new “God of War” “port” slipped under the radar.
Serious gamers should know there’s nothing new about “God of War Collection.” Sony basically compiled “Collection” as a high-definition version, or port, of its previous “God of War” and “God of War II” titles — which previously were available for the low-definition PlayStation 2. Now, here are both classic “God of Wars,” wrapped up in high-def glory for the PS 3.
There are no new levels in “Collection.” No new characters. It’s just prettier.
You play as Kratos, a very beefy and ruthless warrior of the gods. He’s psychically tortured. His wife and kid were killed. Who killed them? There’s a gnarly answer to that.
The action: You have blades magically attached to your hands. You swing them by the grip or by chains. You eventually make them swing afire. And you absolutely demolish hordes of bad guys, dragon-type magical creatures and other enemies of the Olympian gods. This killing never gets old.
In addition to some of the best game play of all time, there are fascinating, cinematic cut scenes, plus some of the most amazing camera angles I’ve ever seen in a game or, for that matter, a film.
If you’ve never gotten your hands on a “God of War” game, you have missed out, greatly. Being a gamer and not having played “God of War” is like being a music buff and never having heard a song by the Beatles, or Nirvana, or Mozart.
“Collection” retails for $40 for PS 3. It’s rated “M” for blood, gore, intense violence, nudity, sexual themes and strong language.
“Yoga” is self-evident: You put the game in your Wii, then very skinny Vogue model Anja Rubik guides you through five yoga routines (49 poses), in easy, moderate or hard modes.
You use the Wii Balance Board, and hold the Wii wands, which keep track of how well you’re doing.
The Tuesday release retails for $40 for Wii. It’s rated “E.”
— By DOUG ELFMAN