Nearing 80, Las Vegas therapist continues to help, inspire

I had the opportunity recently to sit down with Nancy Hunterton, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist and approved clinical supervisor. She has meant a lot to me, as well as so many other therapists in Las Vegas, for all the work she has done over the years.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Sheldon Jacobs: Why did you want to become a therapist?

Nancy Hunterton: People often say we enter this field to figure ourselves out, and there is some truth to that — I always craved self-understanding and was curious about the contradictions in my own thoughts and those of others. Adults and kids who engaged in deep and challenging conversations were my favorites. Confronting difficult things felt meaningful, and often I found myself in the role of listener, supporter and even adviser with others in their struggles.

It was a second career, but it was always meant to be.

What are some of the challenges of being a therapist?

One of the greatest challenges is holding space. That means being present with someone without judgment, but with hope for them. Often, a client cannot see a way out of depression, anxiety or loneliness. In those moments, part of my role is to hold hope on their behalf — to believe in the possibility of healing and change until they can begin to believe in it for themselves.

It requires patience, humility and restraint. The challenge is not to rush, not to impose my timeline, but to trust the process and honor the client’s pace. Sitting with suffering is not easy, and knowing when to comfort and when to challenge is tricky.

Being a therapist is certainly not easy. What motivates you to continue doing the work at such a high level?

I am inspired by Irvin Yalom’s words in “The Gift of Therapy”: “What do I have to offer today?” That keeps me honest and current with myself and acts as a present-tense ethical check: Have I earned the right to be in this room with this person today? Purpose, humility and genuine affection for people sustain me. They help me attend to the real struggles clients bring — their pain, confusion, anger or longing — and to meet those with steadiness, curiosity and clean boundaries.

Now, approaching my 80s, I find motivation in the privilege of being invited into people’s lives, witnessing their growth, and seeing how therapy can create new possibilities even amid suffering.

Some readers may recall you as one of the therapists from the “Sister Wives” reality TV show. How did you end up on the show? What was that experience like?

The director found my name online, and I was chosen because of my training and focus. I had studied religion as my college major, and in my United States history master’s program, I researched American-born religions such as Mormonism. That combination made me a good fit to understand and engage with the unique context of the family.

From there, it was an intense experience, with all the vulnerabilities, agendas and complexities that come with human relationships. At times, we all lost awareness of the cameras and felt like it was just us in the room. They were real people sorting out issues of attachment, parenting, their respective families of origin, being public figures and so much more.

There continues to be skepticism surrounding therapy, even though more people are seeing therapists today. What would you say to skeptics?

Therapy is, at its core, about self-knowledge. It is most of all for the clients to see themselves so they can recognize and then change or accept who they currently are. That process can be confusing, painful and disruptive, but people carry a spirit that wants to move beyond trauma and wounds to some degree of self-appreciation, what we call “self-love.” With that, a sense of purpose, belonging and peace is possible.

You have worked with many couples over the years. What advice would you offer?

In couples therapy, as opposed to one-on-one work, I remind the two people that the relationship, the couple, is the real client. When two individuals agree to join each other, they become a team working toward joint goals and common values. Agreement between them is not essential, but respect and compromise are. What is required is a cooperative focus on building their lives together, which allows for humility, forgiveness, patience, understanding, acceptance, vulnerability and taking things less personally, to develop in them individually. The “us” becomes truly important.

And for me as a therapist, believing in the couple’s capacity to do this matters. Emotional, physical, even spiritual intimacy can be renewed through touch, humor, play, shared grieving and shared joy. My advice is simple: Do not go at it alone; do it together.

Sheldon Jacobs, Psy.D., LMFT, is a licensed mental health professional based in Las Vegas. Contact him at drjacobs10@hotmail.com.