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Columnist takes up blue pencil to edit the Constitution to fit reality

Gotta love those quick-witted, sharp-penned newspaper columnists who nettle the powerful and juxtapose current events and history.

Take for example the columnist who rewrote the U.S. Constitution to more accurately reflect what the president is actually doing.

He changed the preamble to read: “We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish social justice, draw the fangs of privilege, effect the redistribution of property, remove the burden of liberty from ourselves and our posterity, and insure the continuance of the Stimulus Plan, do ordain and establish this Constitution.”

Article 1 on the executive branch continues in this vein outlining the powers of the president:

“The President shall have the power: To lay and collect taxes, and to expend the income of the United States in such manner as he may deem to be to their or his advantage …

“To borrow money on the credit of the United States, and to provide for its repayment on such terms as he may fix …

“To repeal or amend, in his discretion, any so-called natural law, including Gresham’s law, the law of diminishing returns, and the law of gravitation.”

The legislative branches powers are described thusly:

“Both Houses may appoint special committees to investigate the business practices, political views, and private lives of any persons known to be inimical to the President; and such committees shall publish at public cost any evidence discovered that appears to be damaging to the persons investigated.”

Then there are the Bill of Rights:

“There shall be complete freedom of speech and of the press — subject to such regulations as the President or his agents may from time to time promulgate. …

“In disputes between capital and labor, all the arbitrators shall be representatives of labor. …

“Every person whose annual income fans below a minimum to be fixed by the President shall receive from the public funds an amount sufficient to bring it up to that minimum. …

“All powers not delegated herein to the President are reserved to him, to be used at his discretion.”

Did I mention the witty columnist was the legendary Baltimore Sun columnist H.L. Mencken who was writing  about Franklin Roosevelt? He actually used the phrase New Deal instead of Stimulus Plan in the preamble.

Mencken rewrote the Constitution is June 1937. Holds up pretty well, don’t you think?



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