Just think of GSA’s $823,000 as economic stimulus Vegas-style

Some columns are by nature more solemn than others. This is one of those.

How else do we begin to seriously discuss the rapacious behavior on display during the General Services Administration's 2010 conference at the M Resort?

Our hip-swiveling Founding Father Elvis had it right when he offered, "Thank you. Thank you, very much."

Sage words, Man from Memphis.

The Strip philosopher Wayne Newton first echoed that sentiment back in 1963 when he observed, "Danke Schoen."

Inspired commentary, Midnight Idol.

That's the least hypocritical way for Las Vegas residents to react to the terribly irresponsible actions of those GSA officials: Just say thank you and move on.

For to get too agitated about copious wastes of taxpayer dollars for arguably unnecessary Las Vegas junkets disguised as conventions is to deny the undeniable: Namely, that if people could control their compulsive behavior and manage their checkbooks, we'd be out of business. Our skyline would bear a striking resemblance to the one in Wikieup, Ariz.

Without irresponsible behavior worthy of embarrassing YouTube videos, we'd be too boring to attract 40 million visitors a year, much less separate them from their mortgage payments and college funds.

As for conventions, well, what are they really but a chance to get away from the office and abuse the company credit card?

Then the GSA nerds come along and spoil everything by reminding the world what our great casino resort marketing machine is really all about. It's not about the overpriced steaks and designer handbags, people. It's about the party.

First, a little background on the GSA field trip gone awry -- as if by now you needed any. In October 2010, the GSA brought 300 employees to the M Resort for a four-day conference. From the look of things, they had a pretty good time on the taxpayer's dime.

Fancy meals? Check.

Padded expense accounts? Check.

Price tag: $823,000.

Cost to the outfit's credibility as the agency that not only manages U.S. government offices, but also develops cost-saving policies for Uncle Sam's infrastructure: Priceless. This is a scandal as long as the congressional hearing lasts.

Granted, $823,000 sounds like a lot of money, but you must remember that this is Las Vegas, where anything can happen during a long weekend. The American public is lucky those GSA stiffs didn't get drunk and pawn the Lincoln Memorial or trade the Pentagon for a lap dance.

Forget for the purposes of discussion that $823,000 is tip money inside the federal machine, and that spending it in Las Vegas can be twisted like a balloon animal into an overinflated scandal. And never mind also that getting huffy about the wasteful GSA -- which contrary to rumor doesn't stand for "Get Some Action" -- is precisely what President Barack Obama was talking about when he reminded folks that in tough times, "You can't go take that trip to Las Vegas or go down to the Super Bowl on the taxpayers' dime."

That Obama. What a buzz kill.

The president was vilified by Nevada politicians who double as casino marketing representatives in their spare time. (The previous administration wasn't criticized as much for starting wars.) But that's because Obama committed the unpardonable sin of failing to acknowledge the Vegas idea.

Las Vegas isn't about reasonable behavior. It's about hedonism. "Responsible gaming" marketing aside, when it comes to the casino machine it's still all about "What else do you have in your pocket?" and "Is that a genuine Rolex on your wrist?"

What's bad for your health and personal wealth has always been good for Las Vegas. Encouraging excess is what we do. Our motto should be, "Serving Up the Seven Deadly Sins Since 1931."

In the end, if the Vegas truth is too much to handle, scold those rotten government bureaucrats. Jeer the GSA officials who were fired or forced to resign for failing in their professional duties.

But please let the healing begin soon. Las Vegas is trying to recover from the recession.

John L. Smith's column appears Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Email him at Smith@reviewjournal.com or call 702-383-0295. He also blogs at lvrj.com/blogs/smith.