Crackpot schemes failing left and right

Imagine you're in the car business. You have a problem. Government mandates -- aimed at "fuel efficiency" and lots of other high-sounding matters in which Congress is granted no power to meddle by the Constitution -- require you to manufacture cars that are more expensive, yet lighter and thus less safe than the cars Americans already have.

Add that to the current economic slowdown -- exacerbated by high government taxes -- and your customers are maintaining, buying and selling amongst themselves their old vehicles rather than visiting your showrooms. What to do?

One option would be to take billions of dollars seized from your customers against their will, and use it to buy those older cars and trucks, at higher than market value, from anyone who comes in and agrees to buy one of your newer models.

Then -- this is the good part -- don't turn around and re-sell those trade-ins as used cars: Destroy them.

You could claim you're doing it to "protect the environment" -- though in fact any car without smog controls that's still on the road would be more than 30 years old, probably a restored classic whose owner is hardly going to sell it for $4,500.

What's that? Private auto manufacturers would have to explain to their stockholders why they were destroying those valuable assets for a dead loss? And private car makers have no power to seize their customers cash against their will and put it to use in such a scheme, in the first place?

But who said anything about "private" automakers? The U.S. government now runs America's biggest car company, formerly known as "General Motors." The federal government does indeed have the power to seize billions of dollars from its "customers," on threat of jail. And it has indeed launched such a program, officially known as the Car Allowance Rebate System, or more colloquially as "Cash for Clunkers."

They launched it early last week. And suspended it on Friday, as Congress raced to allocate an extra $2 billion to keep the scheme from running dry. And what a week it was.

Sen. Debbie Stabenow, D-Mich., said about 40,000 vehicle sales had been completed through the program but that dealers estimated they were trying to complete transactions on another 200,000 vehicles.

Jim Mooradian, general manager of Courtesy Imports in Henderson, called getting registered for the program a "nightmare," with systems crashing and dealers experiencing trouble submitting documents. Nor are guidelines clear on when the federal rebate money will flow to dealers.

One letter-writer last week reported her family visited a local Las Vegas dealer and completed one of the "cash for-clunkers" deals -- only to be called back later, told their trade-in didn't qualify, and that they had to bring back either their new car or their $4,500.

"At this point, if you start it three days ago and say it will be a three-month program, and within two days you panic and pull things offline, you will have dealers very hesitant to sign people up again," Mr. Mooradian warns.

This is like getting your car fixed up after your drunken teenager drives it into a wall, handing him the keys, and saying "Try again."

If someone estimates funding of a plan is adequate for 90 days, and the money runs out in a week, how much of the American economy would you trust that person to run?

These days, the method in Washington is to dream up some crackpot scheme, insist that it has to be enacted "immediately! -- no time to read the bill or organize anyone to administer the program! This is an emergency!" Then they draw some dollar figure out of their hat (some would suggest a more proctological source), throw a billion or two at the fan (after all, it's only tax money), and see what flies.

First there was last autumn's huge bank bailout -- the "Troubled Asset Relief Program." Leaders of both parties raced to Washington and said there was no time for study and debate: the thing had to be enacted in a week! It was an emergency! Remember?

The rich banking buddies of the rich bankers at the Federal Reserve got bailed out, all right. But as for all that new credit that was supposed to flow out into the economy, making it easier for small businesses to stay in business? Still waiting.

Next, in Feburary, came billions of dollars in "economic stimulus" funding.

Five months later, less than 10 percent of that money has been spent, most of that on propping up state budgets to make sure no Diversity Training Officer goes without her bureaucratic raises and benefit hikes. Those "shovel-ready projects" that were going to immediately create "high-paying new construction jobs"? Perhaps Washington can use the shovels to shovel something else they've got plenty of.

Now, Congress races to throw another $2 billion of our hard-earned money down the swirling "Cash for Clunkers" whirlpool, approving said measure Friday by a vote of 316-109.

"The federal government can't process a simple rebate. I've got dealers who have submitted the paperwork three times and have gotten three rejections," said Rep. Pete Hoekstra, R-Mich. "What is a dealer supposed to do?"

"There are a lot of questions about how the administration administered this program." House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio told The Associated Press, Friday. "If they can't handle something as simple as this, how would we handle health care?"

Oh, gosh. He would have to ask that.