Tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame. This steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.
Rest assured no one ever will utter those Rodney Dangerfield “Caddyshack” quotes while attending a barbecue at Luke Donald’s house. The professional golfer on Tuesday received a long-awaited shipment of 200 pounds of Miyazaki beef, worth almost $80,000 retail, as a prize for winning the Dunlop Phoenix tournament in Japan in November.
Along with being presented a traditional trophy and winner’s check for his victory, Donald also won a cow from the region known for its breed of cattle, which has the same qualities as the ones found in Kobe. The cows get names, are rumored to drink beer and get massaged with sake, according to ESPN.
While most winners choose to exchange the cow for cash on the spot, Donald is a foodie and decided to bring his prize back to the United States for gourmet fare.
However, officials told Donald they wouldn’t be able to ship the cow to the U.S., starting a six-month “Where’s the beef?” waiting game.
With the help of his friend, Chicago chef Nick Kokonas, and international importers, Donald finally attained the beef, which restaurants pay nearly $160 per pound for and diners typically pay twice as much.
When the beef was delivered, Donald wasted no time in throwing some of it on the grill and said it was well worth the wait.
“It’s very marbled, and the knife just eases through the meat,” he said. “Definitely the best beef I’ve ever had.”
Spaulding Smails wanted some — asking, “Are you gonna eat your fat?” — but Donald tersely told him, “You’ll get nothing and like it!”
■ I’M WITH STUPID — To avoid confusion for Jarron Collins — twin brother of Jason Collins, the NBA player who recently came out as gay — late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel presented Jarron on Wednesday with an “I’m the straight one” T-shirt.
When the Collins brothers walked onto the set of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Kimmel asked “Which one of you is gay?” and Jarron said someone recently approached him at a urinal and asked if he was Jason.
Not that anything is wrong with that.
■ LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE — If only Tommy Wilson had his father’s famous Sports Almanac, he’d be able to find out if he makes it to the majors one day. But he’ll have to settle for emerging as a solid starting pitcher for Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, Calif.
Wilson’s father is Thomas F. Wilson, the actor who played Biff Tannen in the “Back to the Future” movies.
Wilson, a 6-foot-3-inch, 215-pound junior, fired five scoreless innings and had eight strikeouts in Tuesday’s 6-1 playoff victory over Riverside North.
Wilson’s father kept a low profile at the game, wearing a hat and sunglasses.
“He must increase and I must decrease,” he said. “Fortunately, he got his mother’s athletic prowess and his father’s good looks.”
Wilson Jr. honed his skills at a young age after getting tired of his father knocking on his head following an error and saying “Hello? Hello? Anybody home?”
COMPILED BY TODD DEWEY
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL