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New jerseys from Nike don’t flatter linemen

What might seem like a minor detail has become a big, fat issue in the NFL this season.

Nike took over for Reebok this season as the official jersey manufacturer, and players are growing irritated with how they look in their new duds.

Some of the world’s biggest professional athletes think they look even bigger in the new uniforms.

“I hate them. They are built for thin guys,” Alex Boone, a 300-pound guard for the San Francisco 49ers, told the Wall Street Journal. “It makes me look like I have big old love handles.”

Boone doesn’t like the fact that his stomach often is visible below the bottom of the jersey.

“It makes me look fat,” he said. “And I’m not fat.”

He told the paper his wife was stunned by his appearance when she first saw him wearing the jersey.

“She said, ‘It looks like you ate a small baby,’ ” Boone said.

Terrence “Mount” Cody, a 350-pound defensive tackle for the Baltimore Ravens, looks like he might have consumed twin teenagers when he dons his slick new slim-fit jersey.

He told the WSJ the new uniforms should account for some of the league’s more burly players.

“I don’t really care for the new jerseys,” he said. “I feel like they should put different material in for the big guys.”

Maybe instead of laundry instructions the new uniforms should have tags that read “objects in jerseys may be smaller than they appear.”

The WSJ article, penned by Kevin Clark, states the new jerseys “appear to look a lot more attractive on running backs and receivers than the husky fellas up front.”

Imagine the backlash next year when Nike takes over the contract as the official mawashi supplier of all international sumo competitions.

■ HORROR FILM – Sacramento Kings coach Keith Smart probably didn’t get a chance to catch any of the summer blockbusters this year.

Smart spent his first offseason as an NBA head coach breaking down film on all 7,000 defensive possessions for the Kings last season.

The Sacramento (Calif.) Bee detailed what sounded like a miserable summer for Smart, who says he found only 30 possessions all season in which all five of the Kings’ players were in a defensive stance at the same time.

A tape with that much Kings basketball probably should have been written by Stephen King and directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

■ HUMAN LEAGUE – Minnesota Vikings defensive end Jared Allen has consistently been one of the NFL’s best pass rushers.

He also has been among the NFL’s most quotable players.

Despite recording just two sacks in four games this season, Allen is as effective as ever at serving up a good sound bite.

According to Profootballtalk.com, Allen was asked if teams have blocked him any differently this season.

“No,” he said. “They’re still using human beings.”


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