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Worst team in Miami: Dolphins or Marlins?

MIAMI — The Dolphins look like the worst team in the NFL, and might even be the worst team in Miami.

On the other hand, a comparison with the Marlins is one matchup the Dolphins could win.

Let’s kick it off:


The Marlins are run by a University of Michigan fan who is finding it harder to win when he’s not his team’s shortstop.

The Dolphins are run by a University of Michigan fan who is worth billions but can’t buy even a single playoff victory.

EDGE: Even.

The Marlins’ staff includes several former Yankees.

The Dolphins’ staff includes several former Patriots.

EDGE: Even.


The Dolphins have 36-year-old Ryan Fitzpatrick, one of the nicest guys in sports, who this season set an NFL record by throwing an interception for his eighth team.

The Marlins have 38-year-old Curtis Granderson, one of the nicest guys in sports, who this season is batting .188.

EDGE: Even.

One of the Dolphins’ best players was granted his request to be traded this week.

Some of the Marlins’ best players were traded without even having to ask.

EDGE: Marlins.

Former Marlins with other teams include Christian Yelich, Giancarlo Stanton, J.T. Realmuto, Marcell Ozuna, Luis Castillo and Chris Paddack.

Former Dolphins with other teams include Jarvis Landry, Ndamukong Suh, Mike Pouncey, Laremy Tunsil, Cameron Wake and Ryan Tannehill.

EDGE: Even.

The Dolphins invested first-round draft picks in Charles Harris, DeVante Parker and Dion Jordan.

The Marlins invested $80 million in Wei-Yin Chen.

EDGE: Even.


The Marlins have been shut out 22 times.

The Dolphins won’t match that.

EDGE: Dolphins.

The Marlins have won 53 games.

The Dolphins won’t match that.

EDGE: Marlins.

The Marlins have allowed 1,233 hits.

The Dolphins’ offensive line might match that this year.

EDGE: Marlins.

The Marlins have been outscored by 178 runs, worst in the National League.

The Dolphins have been outscored by 92 points, worst in the National Football League.

EDGE: Marlins.



The Marlins play in front of 30,000 empty seats.

The Dolphins had nearly that many Patriots fans at Sunday’s game.

EDGE: Dolphins.

The Dolphins have a Dan Marino sculpture.

The Marlins tore down their home run sculpture.

EDGE: Marlins.

The Rolling Stones recently played at the Dolphins’ stadium.

The Miami Hurricanes will soon play FIU at Marlins Park.

EDGE: Dolphins.


Don Shula won more games than any other NFL coach, and 274 of his victories came with the Dolphins.

Don Mattingly has 272 victories as Marlins manager.

EDGE: Dolphins.

The Marlins have never lost a postseason series (they’re 6-0).

The Dolphins have lost only two playoff games since 2002 (they’re 0-2).

EDGE: Marlins.

The Dolphins have had one winning season in this decade.

The Marlins have had none.

EDGE: Dolphins.

The Dolphins had a perfect season.

The Marlins had Steve Bartman.

EDGE: Dolphins.


Thanks to another blown late lead by the Marlins, the final score is 6-6.

In Miami, both teams finish last.

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