Andre Agassi: The Q & A

Some weeks ago, I scheduled an interview with Andre Agassi. At the time, media outlets were going nuts, reporting that Andre, in his acclaimed memoir, “Open: An Autobiography,” would cop to having taken meth back in 1997. I figured by the time our interview rolled around (yesterday, at the book’s release date), the meth story would have blown over. I was quite wrong. Everybody keeps asking me about the meth angle. Readers. Journalists. Friends.

So Andre and I sat down Monday, and we discussed the meat of his book — he hated tennis; his dad was very hard on him; his marriage to Brooke Shields was unhappy; he struggled for years to find the truth of himself, and much more — and we talked about the juicy gravy (the meth angle) the media is ingesting intently.

As always, Andre, 39, was as sharp, relaxed and friendly as one could hope. Is he the most amiable, genuine celebrity in Vegas? Maybe. What’s odd about Agassi is he has seemed perfectly grounded in interviews these past few years, despite seeming anything but in his own book (a portrayal of his youth).

Question: At this point, do you feel like you’re promoting your book — or explaining yourself over and over?

Andre: I feel like I’m getting a chance to tell my story.

Question: You’ve said you were lying for years.

Andre: When you don’t know yourself, it’s almost impossible to tell the truth. What is the truth of “you” unless you know who “you” is. I lived a public life, and in that public life, people asked me about the subject I knew the least about — which was myself. And as a result, you can’t communicate the truth of “you” because you don’t know it. It’s like saying, “I do — unto death do us part,” with your first wife. Are you lying? Or do you just hope it to be true. Or do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to make it true? Or is it a lie? That’s what you find yourself, on a world stage, confronted with all the time.

Question: That must be really confusing.

Andre: It’s very much so. And the world doesn’t allow you to stop to understand it.

Question: You know, there’s so much bull in celebrity journalism. I never know what to believe about someone famous.

Andre: To really know somebody, you have to be close to them. I think you only know the closest people in your life. And even there, it’s tough because they don’t know themselves. Am I careful about what I read? Of course I am. You can’t fit any life in 400 pages [of a book], let alone an article.

Question: Is there any effect of this book on the Andre Agassi Foundation, positive, negative?

Andre: No. I think I’ve got a lot of support from those who’ve read the book and those who understand I have a lot more to lose than to gain. So once all that’s clear and transparent, [the media focus] starts to be the whole body of work, which happens to be my life. And calmer heads prevail.

Question: When I set up this interview, I didn’t give a crap about the meth. I thought It’d blow over. It hasn’t. Is it surprising to you?

Andre: The reaction to it’s not surprising — the disappointment. But I spent years being disappointed about myself. It’s taken me years to process the mistakes I’ve made and to understand why. People want to know why; and why’d you do it; why’d you lie about it; why are you talking about it? And they’re all pretty darn straightforward. I did it because I was depressed, and I needed an escape, and I took it when it was offered to me. I lied about it because I was ashamed. I lived with it on my shoulders every day after that. A second chance at life, I said. And I gotta make the most of it. And I’ve been atoning for it every day. And I’m talking about it now because the alternative’s not possible. When’s the time to tell the truth — 10 years from now, 20 years, not at all? This is a chance for me to do it on my terms, because this isn’t a press release. This isn’t something I could have done four years ago. You can’t cover [all of] this in an article. I have to put this in perspective with the course of my whole life and allow it to be judged for what it is. People are confused … and I understand that. But that’s why I took the time and the care [to write “Open”], and that’s why I put in thousands of hours. I’m really proud of my life — not proud of a lot of things I’ve done — but I’m really proud of it. …

It’s the truth of me. … This is designed to make a difference to people. To inspire. To give tools. There’s a lot of people that know what it’s like to wake up in a life they don’t want that they didn’t choose; marriage they don’t want to be in; children that are looking to avoid similar pitfalls; parents that are looking for their kids to avoid these pitfalls. I lived it. I’ve been there. And I believe this is really powerful.

Question: Have you heard from Brooke Shields at all?

Andre: Yeah, she was part of this process.

Question: She’s fine with all this?

Andre: She’s not surprised by any of it. If she wrote her own book, I’m sure it would be different. Our recollections — a lot of them are the same, but our interpretations vary. We all bring our own perspectives to the table. She can’t be surprised. She’s read it.

Question: How about Steffi [Graf, Andre’s wife]?

Andre: Steffi’s pretty proud. She knows the stories of my life. She’s waited anxiously as I figured out what the story of my life was.

Question: She’s so private, though.

Andre: She is.

Question: This is all so public.

Andre: Yeah, I went to great pains so I could make sure I could accommodate who she is, but she also goes to great pains to allow for who I am. … She’s an amazing person.

Question: I know there’s snorting in the book with the meth. Was any of it shooting up or smoking?

Andre: I did try the smoking-it once, but it wasn’t my cup of tea. So no, it was powder form.

Question: Who’s this Slim person [Andre’s meth connection at the time, 1997]?

Andre: One of the things I wanted to do with this was shine a light on me without bringing others into it. So I obviously gave him a name, and I haven’t seen him since then. I don’t even know if he’s alive.

Question: That’s good. You don’t need that person in your life anymore.

Andre: Well, I hope he’s good. I really do. It’s really horrifying and terrifying to see what that drug can do.

Question: There’s speculation you’re coming out with some of this, because maybe Perry [Rogers, his ex-partner and friend] would come out with it instead. So are you trying to undercut that?

Andre: There’s not a chance in the world I would let anybody dictate how I would choose to communicate my life, and how I choose to express it. The truth is, he wouldn’t or couldn’t talk about this.

Question: A sports editor says maybe if you had got caught or something, someone else could have played in your spot — so maybe you robbed somebody of their chance. Do you think that’s a legitimate argument? Because you played, there was one less spot for someone else?

Andre: Hmm. Well, you know it was the infancy of our drug testing. … I’m ashamed of all of it.

Question: One of my theories of life is a lot of successful people get brainwashed at an early age, like Mozart and Picasso. You were obviously brainwashed. But a lot of people who end up like that will enjoy what they’re brainwashed at.

Andre: I hear other athletes talk about how they feel about their sport, and I feel like an alien. I don’t know if they’re just positioning — straight up lying — for the sake of that upper edge, or if they really feel that way, or if they’re trying to make us believe it. I never identified with it. Tennis came with a greater cost to me until I was about 27 years old, and then I started to come to terms with what it was giving to me, once I chose it.

Question: You’ve been in locker rooms with a lot of those people. You would know if they’re actually happy or not, right?

Andre: I don’t know if it’s about “happy.” I’ve seen a lot of guys off-the-court that are very happy guys, and very moody on the court. … There are a lot of people like this. And then there was also the complete opposite. There are people off-the-court that had an edge to them. But then they get on the court and it looked like that’s where they were born to be.

Question: Have you been in therapy?

Andre: I dabbled in that for a while, attempting to make sense. But you just can’t do it. It’s not logical in the life you live out there on tour, to open yourself in a way where you admit these weaknesses. It’s dog-eat-dog out there. You eat what you kill. It’s very conflicting to try to understand yourself in that world. That’s why I did the book now. I’ve had time to look back and make sense of it.

Question: You said you have to know yourself. What percentage do you think you know yourself at this point?

Andre: I know myself looking back now. I can understand it. But you’re constantly moving forward; you’re ever-evolving. So I if I wrote a book five years from now, it might look different. We’re constantly in process. Truths kind of grow and evolve. They get deeper, they get stronger, they change, they morph. So I fight every day to continually know myself and understand myself. But I get the time to do it. Now it’s normal. It’s a normal life. I get the time to think about things. I didn’t have that luxury when I was on tour.

Question: It does seem genuine from my outside perspective — about you loving Steffi, about loving life, about loving Vegas. Is that right?

Andre: My life starts and ends there. It’s my wife and my kids, then it’s my foundation and this community.

Question: That was a great haul you had at the foundation’s last charity fundraiser.

Andre: Yeah! $8.1 million. It speaks to the importance to what we’re doing. That’s a great thing, that we’re getting the job done in a way people are believing in it, and continuing to believe in it.

Question: What is the status of your relationship with your dad?

Andre: We actually communicate our affection to each other now, which is a big step for him. We see him every weekend. He’s told me he’s not gonna read the book, because, “Why the hell do I need to read your book? Because I was there.” He said, “If I could do all this stuff over again, I’d do the same thing except not tennis. It’d be golf or baseball.” He goes, “No tennis. You’re playing guys that are 6’7”. What do you want me to do? Shove a pole up your butt?” [Agassi laughs here.]

Question: When you talk about it, it sounds like you’re saying he was coming from a place of love on some level.

Andre: Oh, yeah. I talk about how he was always proud of me. I talk about how I wish his love was softer. I wish his love was just not quite as much at times. But it’s a loving, honest portrait of him. My goal [in the book] was always to turn a harder lens on myself. And my dad was always great about adjusting, if he knew there was pain. He didn’t always know there was pain. And I was a kid that didn’t communicate it. I internalized everything. … My mom struggles reading it, because she didn’t know so much of what I was feeling. These moments, you internalize as a child, you don’t know where to put it, so you just turn it inward.

Question: Did you look for surrogate dads?

Andre: Oh yeah, I think Gil [Reyes, fitness trainer] was, in many ways. I think Nick [Bollettieri, tennis coach] was, at times. I think I surrounded myself with teachers, with role models I wanted to emulate in certain respects.

Question: Do you think you did a good job of choosing those surrogates?

Andre: I think I had my share of good decisions. I had a few great people that have stayed with me, that believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. And then there were others: Slims and such. That was also a reflection of my trying to unplug.

Question: This is an opportunity to say anything you want. Anything at all.

Andre: You know, this book is a reduction of my life. And it’s a love letter to people I care about in my life. It’s a love letter to those that’ve been involved. I wanted to celebrate all the ways they were most most informative of me. And I hope they’re all proud of that.

Question: You don’t want to go into politics, do you?

Andre: I haven’t made any decisions.