Martini Pitcher: Goodman’s spring training first-pitch legacy

You have to hand it to Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman. Here’s a man who has never spilled a martini – not even after consuming a pitcher of martinis.  

But hand him a baseball and ask him to throw out the first pitch at a spring training game at Cashman Field, and he’s the sorriest hurler of a stone since Sisyphus.  

Pete Gray had a better right arm than Oscar Goodman. (If you’re not a baseball fan, look it up.)  

On Saturday, before a capacity crowd of Cubs and White Sox fans at Cashman Field, Goodman kept his  incredible record of ineptitude intact by launching a pitch that left his hand like a fistful of mush and plopped on the ground before leaving the pitching mound. The ball hip-hopped like a lame frog to the first-base side of the field and died a pathetic death as the crowd roared and booed.  

Good lord, man, agitated 2-year-olds spit their Gerber peas farther – and with more accuracy.  

This abomination of the Great American game is a testament to Goodman’s popularity. A lesser politician would have resigned on the spot and hanged himself from the right-field foul pole.  

Despite that incredibly lame effort, I noticed players from both teams made themselves available to help Goodman off the field. It’s probably a coincidence he was traveling in the company of a pair of knockout showgirls dressed in full feather.  

Meanwhile, the Review-Journal’s style diva Xazmin Garza (she’s not only lovely and talented, but her name is also about 300 points in Scrabble) peppered a one-hop strike that generated applause from the fans.  

Go, X. Way to represent.