‘The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death’ hilarious
Editor's note: This review has dirty language in it. You've been warned.
After witnessing a horrific event during a school field trip, Web quits teaching and moves in with his best friend, Chev. He indulges in a life of mooching and slacking until he’s told to get off his butt. Under pressure from Chev, Web starts work with the Clean Team. His first job is cleaning out the apartment of a shut-in who was found dead amid piles of refuse, roaches and bags and bags of poop. The shut-in had blocked himself out of his own bathroom, so instead he peed in jugs and pooped in plastic bags.
I hauled shitbags. A lot of them. The shut-in who lived in the place, he must have shit like a dozen times a day. He must have eaten nothing but beans and broccoli and topped it off with Mueslix.
Web has mixed reactions about his new job. His boss, Po Sin, takes him out to eat after the poop’s picked up. Web doesn’t have much of an appetite, but Po Sin tells him not to worry.
So you’re saying I shouldn’t be disturbed by the fact that having my nasal passages smelling like dung ruins my appetite? What relief. I was worried it was me, I was worried I might be some kind of deviant not wanting to eat when all I can smell is ass butter.
Yep, Web’s a prick. Despite his sarcasm, he comes to find he actually likes the job and the feeling he gets from putting things back as they had been — cleaning up a tragedy, erasing death.
His next job involves cleaning up after a suicide. While wiping up blood and brains, he meets the dead man’s daughter. He soon becomes involved in a totally inappropriate relationship with the young woman, but poor Web is pretty messed up, so he’s willing to overlook any awkwardness that might arise from having scooped up her father’s insides.
Little does Web know, though, that his new job and relationship will plunge him into a world of danger. Rival cleaning crews are after him, smugglers are after him, and just about everyone is trying to pound in his face. But hey, he’s a creep, so what does he expect?
“The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death” by Charlie Huston is a hilarious read. Yes, Web is an ass, but he’s a clever, sarcastic ass. The story moves swiftly and the black humor that fills the pages is laugh-out-loud funny.
Huston crafts some likable yet fallible characters in this novel. While Web scrubs blood and tissue out of carpet, he also works to clean up the pile of poop his life has become. The reader is taken on a wild, morbid, violent ride as Web tries to come to terms with some of the tragedies in his own past.
Readers can only hope this isn’t the last we’ll hear of Web.
Read more about Charlie Huston in an upcoming review of his book "The Shotgun Rule."
