Brown’s act at SMU will get old, tired

It's back-to-school time for 71-year-old Larry Brown, and not everyone is endorsing him as a good hire as Southern Methodist basketball coach. It certainly appears to be an odd fit.

Brown last coached a college game in 1988 for Kansas and has since coached seven NBA teams. Like many of us, Yahoo! Sports columnist Pat Forde sees Brown's return as a tired act.

"Every once in a while in college sports, we reach a fascinating moment when otherwise intelligent people completely lose their minds," Forde wrote. "This is that moment. SMU is that school. And Brown is the object of its insane desire. The Mustangs are striving to hire a man roughly the age of Stonehenge, who last recruited high-schoolers in the 1980s."

Forde went on to rudely call Brown a "fossil" and asked, "How much energy will he bring to the job?"

At Brown's age, getting lucky means finding your car in the parking lot. It's also when you and your teeth don't sleep together, and when you have more hair in your ears than on your head.

To ensure Brown is comfortable in the job, SMU officials promised he can have a rocking chair instead of a seat on the bench.

But the old-age jokes are out of line. We apologize.

■ THE OTHER CANDIDATE - Jiroemon Kimura of Kyoto, Japan, the world's oldest living man and the third-oldest man in recorded history, celebrated his 115th birthday on Thursday.

According to inside sources, he was SMU's second choice.

■ THE BAD WIFE - Memphis basketball coach Josh Pastner blamed his wife after he committed a secondary NCAA violation.

Pastner said he accidentally tweeted "Tony Parker," the name of a high school basketball prospect, on the Tigers' official Twitter account this week. Public mention of a recruit is a rules violation. But Pastner claimed he was distracted and meant to type the name into Google.

"My wife was yelling at me because I was on the phone too loud," he told the Memphis Commercial Appeal. "She was complaining that I not only woke my daughter up, but I also woke the baby inside her up because she's pregnant. So I was waking everybody up, I was getting yelled at and on top of that I was thinking, 'What's going on with recruiting?' and I made a mistake."

Pastner wins points for creativity with his alibi. But he'll still be sleeping alone on the couch.

■ TACO HELL - Erving Walker, a former Florida guard, pleaded no contest to a petty theft charge of stealing a $3 taco. It was a costly mistake, because he was fined $301.

Walker also was sentenced to eat his next 30 meals at Taco Bell.

■ COLON IN A ZONE - At age 38, Athletics right-hander Bartolo Colon threw 38 straight strikes Wednesday in a 6-0 victory over the Los Angeles Angels. It's possible Colon's streak set a major league record, but it can't be verified.

"You can't even get 38 (straight) strikes out of a pitching machine," A's outfielder Jonny Gomes told the Oakland Tribune.

It could be said Angels hitters were subjected to a Colon-oscopy.

COMPILED BY MATT YOUMANS
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL