2010 Census: The decennial snooping on our neighbors to get free stuff

Like many of you, I got that letter in the mail this week advising me that within a week there will be a another letter in the mail, this one with a 2010 Census form.

In the first place, what an incredible waste of time, money, paper and ink. Just send the darned form!

But the second graph was the real zinger. It told me that my "response is important."

Not because "Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons," but because by being counted my state can get free stuff from heaven, I mean Washington.

"Results from the 2010 census will be used to help each community get its fair share of government funds for highways, schools, health facilities, and many other programs you and your neighbors need. Without a complete, accurate census, your community may not receive its fair share," the warning letter from the director of the U.S. Census Bureau advises.

How generous of them to send us back some of our own money — after scraping off a goodly portion for federal overhead, graft and pork — and tell us how and where to spend it, because surely we'd've just wasted it on candy if we'd been allowed just keep it in the first place. Silly citizens.

After the friendly stuff, you go to one of their Web pages and you'll see this at the bottom: "Participation isn't just important — it's mandatory."

Yes, there are hefty fines for failing to file or falsely stating such vital information as "does this person have serious difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?" That's on the long form if you are so lucky.

But even the short form demands information about your race, claiming it is needed to monitor for compliance of the Voting Rights and Civil Rights acts. You'd better make sure your company is hiring it's proportionate share of Elbonians and Brobdingnagians.

On top of that, the government plans to spend your money trying to convince you to fill out the Census form so you can get back more of your money. What a deal!

We're from the government and we're here to help you. Also, the check is in the mail.