Stage is set for Saturday’s big show; question is who will steal the spotlight

Even the Strip's most creative minds have trouble picking winners. They've often been frustrated by their inability to anticipate the public's entertainment appetite and select sure bets in the showroom.

For every Celine-sized success, a dozen Broadway spectacles nosedive into obscurity.

But I think the directors at the Nevada Democratic Party were on to something with their plan to move up the '08 caucus and let part of it play out on the fabulous Strip. Throw in an act of lounge comedy, and you have a Vegas blockbuster just in time for Saturday's big show.

Talk about variety. From comedy to melodrama, this one has everything. Add a few showgirls in fine feather and it's a political version of the Folies Bergere. Of course, since this is a campaign, each candidate surely wants to star in his or her own show. I'm still sketching the playbill, but here's what I've come up with so far.

First, there's "Hallelujah Hillarywood," featuring Mrs. Clinton in the title role. She sings, she dances. She even sheds a tear.

Clinton has more campaign experience than her rivals -- even if she was riding shotgun for much of it. She has more Nevada contacts. She was here early and often, investing plenty of dough in her in-state campaign machine. She locked up major and minor endorsements on a regular basis, including one from the son of a certain Senate Majority Leader from Searchlight.

In a long-awaited soliloquy, she explains how she lost the Culinary endorsement. What the critics are saying: "Her gray-haired co-star is a real scene-stealer."

That brings us to our next entertainment offering, "Culinary Mystere." Turns out it's playing at nine venues on Las Vegas Boulevard.

It's not the Cirque du Soleil acrobatic spectacular with its amazing trapeze work and remarkably limber performers. It's the mystery associated with just who is behind the Nevada State Education Association's lawsuit attempting to block those nine at-large caucus sites from the Strip following the Culinary's decision to endorse Barack Obama over Clinton.

Come to think of it, there's plenty of double-jointed rhetoric and political trapeze work in this one, too.

For instance, there are nine sites on the Strip, but not one on Fremont Street, where at last check there were still plenty of shift workers. Last fall, Station Casinos government affairs specialist Leslie Pittman requested one or more caucus sites be located on company property to encourage employees to participate in the process, but she was informed the at-large sites were already designated.

Now that U.S. District Judge James Mahan has made the right call to let the at-large sites remain despite potential fairness issues, "Culinary Mystere" has a new ending.

Next we have "The Phantom of the Oprah." The musical score is a work of genius. Shouts of "phenom" and "wunderkind" echo through the house. More importantly, Obama wins the biggest endorsement of the year: Not from the Culinary, but from Oprah Winfrey.

Here's what the critics are saying: "Is this is an Obamanation? He can sing, but can he carry the whole show? Maybe, but he has to prove he can carry Nevada first."

Then there's "Hairspray." Not the John Waters musical, the John Edwards story. The plot line is compelling, if just a little predictable. Originally titled "Oh the Humanity," it's the tale of a wealthy attorney who runs for high office as a populist corporation-basher. Just when he's on the verge of persuading skeptics that his heart is with the middle-class and blue-collar working stiffs, everyone is reminded he pays $400 for a haircut and doesn't wear overalls in his off hours.

What the critics are saying: "It's like 'The Grapes of Wrath,' except with vintage grapes."

For comic relief we have "The Martian Chronicles" starring Dennis Kucinich. I especially like the part where he shouts, "I do exist. I do exist -- and if you don't believe me, I'll sue."

The critics: "Kucinich has a harder time arguing his relevancy as a candidate than the existence of UFOs."

Meanwhile, the Republicans are also caucusing this weekend but still are trying to decide what to call their show. While some are suggesting "A New Day," others are thinking "Defending the Cavemen" has a better ring to it.

Call me old-fashioned, but is it too late to bring in Tony Bennett?

Have an item for the Bard of the Boulevard? E-mail comments and contributions to Smith@reviewjournal.com or call (702) 383-0295.