Blowhard Berman at his worst in homer derby

It's time to take a look back, back, back to Monday, when Robinson Cano of the New York Yankees won the All-Star Home Run Derby.

The loser, as always, was ESPN blowhard Chris Berman, who shouted in amazement and tossed out his usual corny cliches during most of the 400-foot blasts. It is a home run contest, with major league stars hitting batting practice pitches, but Berman always seems shocked when he sees a home run.

"Wow! This one is up to the space station," Berman bellowed on a Cano moon shot.

Another Berman call: "Oooooh! This is on the way to Flagstaff."

One of Berman's longtime gimmicks is to pick neighboring cities as imaginary landing spots for home runs. It's hilarious. Really, really hilarious. And it never gets old.

The contest itself was entertaining, as Cano, who was crushing pitches from his father, outslugged Boston's Adrian Gonzalez 12-11 in the final round.

But "Boomer" Berman almost ruined the show. Matt Yoder of Awfulannouncing.com compiled an amusing list of Twitter reactions, and here's one:

"mgriffin228 The CIA should torture terrorists by making them listen to Berman call the HR derby."

■ MCILROY'S MULLIGAN -- U.S. Open champion and British Open favorite Rory McIlroy said in an interview aired by BBC Northern Ireland that he broke up with his girlfriend, Holly Sweeney, before this season to focus on his golf game. Then, he realized it was an immature mistake.

"I had to do a lot of begging and groveling to get her back," McIlroy said, in comments published in a Yahoo! Sports blog. "Holly is fantastic. I have known her for six years."

How lame, and a prime example that this kid is not ready to be the sport's next superstar.

Can we please have Tiger Woods and his porn stars back?

■ TRIVIA TIME -- When Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics recently said, "It's almost embarrassing," to what was he referring?

A) Celtics general manager Danny Ainge trading Kendrick Perkins and ruining the team in February;

B) Shaquille O'Neal lumbering up and down the court in the playoffs;

C) Berman's All-Star Home Run Derby calls; or

D) McIlroy "begging" to get his girlfriend back.

The real answer: Filthy rich players and owners fighting over millions of dollars during the NBA lockout.

■ NO GRAY AREA -- Ultimate Fighting Championship president Dana White always makes it clear where he stands. For the record, he is a fan of Justin Bieber and not a fan of Justin Timberlake.

Steve Cofield of Yahoo! Sports relayed White's comments from XM's "Opie and Anthony Show": "I love Justin Bieber. He's such a good kid," White said. "(Timberlake) couldn't have been a more arrogant prick.

"So you want to hate somebody, hate Timberlake, not Bieber."

White went on to call Timberlake a "douchebag."

COMPILED BY MATT YOUMANS
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL