Doing chores more exciting than watching Patriots win Snoozer Bowl

Not-so-Super Bowl XLII is set and -- yaaawn! -- "Rants & Raves couldn't be more excited. Well, not really:

Actually, we might circle Feb. 3 on our calendars as a good day to reorganize the garage. Or do our taxes. Or watch a Peyton Manning "Priceless Pep Talk" commercial marathon. (Sure, we mocked those omnipresent snoozer TV ads last week, but we have to concede the new, self-effacing one Sunday about Manning's season with the Indianapolis Colts being over had us chuckling.)

C'mon, does anyone really believe the New York Giants can deny the New England Patriots their date with destiny? That they can stop this NFL juggernaut from cementing its place as the best of the best in league history? That they won't be steamrolled, boat-raced and smote with everything but the jawbone of an ass by the Philistine-powerful Patriots?

Forget that regular-season finale in which the Giants unexpectedly gave the Patriots fits, taking a 28-23 third-quarter lead before New England rallied for a 38-35 victory. Forget the stunning postseason development of New York quarterback Eli "Kid Brother" Manning. Forget the Giants winning 10 straight road games to set an NFL record that means absolutely nothing going into any next game.

No, it simply will be Stupendous Bowl Sunday (again) for New England and Stupor Bowl Sunday for New York.

Final score: New England 41, New York 14. ...

• In fact, the Patriots are such prohibitive favorites to win that on Monday coach Bill Belichick announced he felt no need to cheat. ...

• You know who's going to get blamed by New Yorkers when the Giants get smoked, don't you?

Yep, A-Rod. ...

• Fox Sports has 61/4 hours of pre-Super Bowl programming scheduled before the 3:17 p.m. PST kickoff, which, as we all know, is five hours too much of buildup for ANYTHING!

It all starts at 9 a.m. with "American Idol's" Ryan Seacrest doing a feature on Tom Brady's dental floss, followed by an insightful interview with Eli Manning's personality coach. ...

• You know what you call 61/4 hours of pregame hype?

Beforeplay. ...

• No discussion needed as to whether Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre will be back for an 18th season next fall.

There is NO WAY this hard-nosed player is going to go out on an overtime interception in a conference title game, as happened against the Giants in Sunday's NFC Championship contest on -- Cue the announcer! -- the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

No fear Green Bay fans: The heart of the Pack will be back. All true NFL fans should rejoice. ...

• Smart viewing at 10 tonight on HBO's "Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel," as the host delves into the topic of alcohol consumption at NFL games -- both tailgating and in-stadium.

The segment "Drawing A Line" looks at "a series of highly publicized alcohol-related incidents (which) suggests that drinking has gone too far at NFL stadiums," including, fighting, obscene language and postgame drunk driving.

Sounds like a segment that will have a number of beer-drinking football fans shaking their heads and saying, "Dude!" ...

• Coming off a disappointing fourth straight two-win season for his program -- the last three under his direction -- UNLV football coach Mike Sanford can use a little help with getting his foot in the door of top-tier recruits. So we offer this, the Seven Degrees of Mike Sanford, as we call it, to create some buzz with blue-chippers:

Last fall, UNLV beat Utah for one of its two victories. Well, Utah had beaten UCLA. UCLA then beat California. California already had beaten Tennessee. Tennessee later beat Kentucky. Kentucky beat eventual national champion Louisiana State.

Bim, bam, boom! Sis-boom-bah! By the transitive property of college football -- hey, it was a crazy season, after all -- we come to the conclusion that UNLV could have beaten LSU on a given, if not any given, Saturday.

And, yes, we'll also be featured on an upcoming episode of "Cops." We'll be handcuffed and getting patted down for drugs.

Joe Hawk's "Rants & Raves" column is published Tuesdays. He can be reached at jhawk@reviewjournal.com or (702) 387-2912.