Ex-Clipper ought to retire his jersey

Certain fashion cliches are ingrained into our minds from a young age.

Don't wear white after Labor Day. Don't wear socks with sandals. You get the idea.

Former NBA player Keith Closs has provided us with a new one: Don't wear your own jersey unless you are planning on playing in the game you are attending.

Closs sported a No. 33 Los Angeles Clippers jersey with "Closs" stitched across the back Monday night as he sat in the Staples Center stands for the Clippers' 101-97 victory over the Memphis Grizzlies in Game 4.

The 7-foot-3-inch Closs, 36, hasn't been on the team, or in the league, since the 1999-2000 season.

Yet there he was, towering above the rest of the fans in the arena, wearing possibly the only Keith Closs jersey in existence.

It's common for a dumpy, middle-aged fan to don the jersey of his favorite player and head out to support the team.

When Closs wore his own jersey, it came off as sad.

It's the sports equivalent of Pete Best showing up to the Beatles concert at Shea Stadium in 1965 in full costume with his drum sticks and imagining what could have been as he watches Ringo Starr play the drums.

■ ALL'S FAIR IN HOCKEY AND POLITICS - One of the many activities planned as part of Vladimir Putin's inauguration in Russia this week was a hockey game between a team of amateurs led by the newly elected president and a team of Russian hockey legends.

Putin sat on the bench for much of the game but took the ice in the third period with his team trailing. Amazingly, the 59-year-old scored a goal and then notched an assist on the game-tying score.

He then shocked the world by finding the back of the net on a backhander that sealed the win for his squad in the shootout.

So maybe the defense and goalie went easy on Putin. OK, it made that play in the Super Bowl when the Patriots allowed the Giants to score untouched in order to get the ball back look like it was the vaunted Steel Curtain defense.

Why would the hockey game play out any differently than the electoral process that put Putin in that position in the first place?

■ MELLOWED MARLIN - Some guys never change.

It didn't take long for Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen to show how much he learned during his five-game suspension for comments he made vaguely expressing admiration for former Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

SportsRadio Interviews.com transcribed Guillen's appearance on 610 AM in Houston on Monday, and he was not in the mood for an innocuous question on the matter.

When asked whether the backlash to what he said about Castro last month had cooled in Miami, Guillen snapped.

"Grow up, (expletive)," he said. "(Expletive) you! Are you kidding me?!"

Imagine his response had Guillen been asked about his multimillion-dollar closer who can't get anyone out.

COMPILED BY ADAM HILL
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL