Managing Cubs can be stinky proposition
Managing the Chicago Cubs, who haven't won a World Series since 1908, can be a brutal job.
Just ask former Cubs manager Dusty Baker, who suffered the ultimate indignity in Chicago shortly before the team fired him in 2006.
"At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day," Baker said Monday, when he discussed the incident publicly for the first time. "That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up.
"He said, 'Oh, I think it's dog crap.' I said, 'No it ain't. That's human crap.' "
To clear up the disturbing matter, the Cubs called in Carl Spackler, the infamous Bushwood Country Club greenskeeper who resolved a similar case in "Caddyshack."
When Spackler, portrayed by Bill Murray, determined the "doody" discovered by Spaulding Smails in the club pool was a Baby Ruth candy bar, he took a bite and told Judge Smails and his wife, Pookie, "It's no big deal."
Not to make light of such an egregious act, but it also brings to mind Thornton Melon's (Rodney Dangerfield) graduation speech in "Back to School": "It's a jungle out there. You've got to look out for number one. But don't step in number two."
■ NOWITZKI-N-OUT -- Humming the songs of Germany favorite David Hasselhoff isn't the only thing that inspires Dirk Nowitzki.
The Dallas Mavericks' All-Star sharpshooter also loves In-N-Out Burger.
"I try to stay away, but In-N-Out, you just can't compare it. It's the best. It's the best," he said on an ESPN Radio show in Dallas. "It's healthy fast food; they do their own meat and their own salad. Everything's fresh. I have it in the summer if we go to Vegas or something or when we're (in California). Some of the guys will have burgers after the game, which we shouldn't really do, but they're too good to pass up."
To pay homage to Hasselhoff, Nowitzki should try eating a double-double on the floor.
■ BARKLEY BARB -- While watching Los Angeles Clippers rookie sensation Blake Griffin compete in the NBA's slam dunk contest Saturday, TNT analyst Charles Barkley couldn't resist taking a shot at Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard, the former NBA dunk champion who was a guest host for TNT.
"Hey, Dwight, I heard you've been under the weather," Barkley said. "What kind of medicine you've been taking for that Griffin flu?"
■ SLAP SHOT STRIPPER -- In a scene straight out of "Slap Shot," Colorado Eagles assistant coach Greg Pankewicz lost his mind -- and most of his clothes -- Saturday during a Central Hockey League scuffle.
When linesman Chris Wilson tackled Colorado defenseman Joe Grimaldi to the ice during a fight, Pankewicz, 41, became enraged.
He started his impromptu strip show by removing his tie and throwing it on the ice. He then did the same with his jacket, dress shirt, T-shirt and shoes before leaving for the locker room.
But Pankewicz, who was suspended by the league for the rest of the regular season, couldn't have been that mad. He kept his pants on.
COMPILED BY TODD DEWEY
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL
