‘Mike and Mike’ on mikes is must listening

These are the dog days of summer, but take heart. "Mike and Mike in the Morning," the best sports drive show on national radio, is there to pick you up. I dare you to listen to it and stay in your grumpy why-am-I-working-today mood.

The show airs here on ESPN (920) -- formerly KBAD-AM -- from 3 to 7 a.m. each weekday, with portions taped and televised later each day by ESPN or ESPN2. It's hardly new -- Mike Greenberg, a self-described New York metrosexual with two kids, and Mike Golic, a former NFL lineman -- both having been at it for eight years. But if it has been under your radar, you need to listen or watch.

It's funny, smart, savvy, informative and provocative in a way that avoids cynicism. Greenberg is the smart guy. Golic, no dummy himself, succeeds by playing the foil. Greeny, with all of his angst, could have made it as a comedian on the Borscht Belt in another generation.

But it's not just shtick. It's unerring instinct.

Greenberg last week on contract signings:

"Players want to go west today because of weather, because of population movement and no excessive media or angry populace. If you've ever spent any significant time in San Diego, in Phoenix, walk down the street. ... Everybody is smiling. If you see someone smiling in New York, you cross the street because this person is insane. ... Why do the Knicks stink? Why do the 76ers stink? Why do the Celtics stink? Because nobody wants to go there."

Greeny on coaching in different pro sports:

"In football, the coaches run the show -- 'It's my way or the highway.'

"In baseball, the managers have to facilitate everybody's relationships and get everyone moving in the same direction.

"In basketball. the coaches bring the players room service -- it's just that simple."

In April, Greenberg and Golic tried to predict the NCAA basketball brackets. Listeners and viewers voted that the loser would have to milk a cow on TV in the ESPN2 studio from where the show is simulcast. Who lost? Greenberg, naturally.

The network had a field day, fetching a 1,875-pound cow from Vermont named Sox a fortnight ago. "This is the first time we've ever had something in the studio heavier than Golic," Greeny said, trying to deflect attention from himself.

An ESPN P.R. wag released a "Tail of the Tape." Among the particulars:

Height: Sox, 5 feet 5 inches; Greeny, 5-11 1/2.

Weight: Sox, 1,875 pounds; Greeny, 175.

Milk: Sox, precious bodily fluid; Greeny, lactose intolerant.

Favorite publication: Sox, Farmer's Almanac; Greeny, GQ.

Would like to catch: Sox, flies; Greeny, nothing at all.

Favorite saying: Sox, "Moo"; Greeny, "Golic, you're a moron."

Exercises his/her: Sox, calves; Greeny, calves.

Personal dislikes: Sox, tipping. Greeny, tipping."

Greenberg failed the milking. Terrified of being kicked, he worked from afar on just one of Sox's numerous teats, drawing one-half ounce of milk.

• WHIFFED SHOT -- Dottie Pepper, teaming with NBC's Johnny Miller on the U.S. Women's Open on Sunday, was asked by anchorman Tom Hicks who she thought would prevail in the tournament's last four holes. Her response: "Well, I'm not going to say who I think is going to win, but I think the 15th and the 17th are going to be crucial."

What? "I'm not going to say"?

Pepper is a former LPGA Tour star in her third year with NBC. What is she there for if not to offer an opinion? Is she going to declare that sand traps are dangerous?

Miller tried to bail her out by naming his choice, Lorena Ochoa (the winner turned out to be Cristie Kerr). But Pepper must learn she's no longer part of the girls' club. Her loyalty is now to the viewer, not her former tour mates.

• NEW WORLD -- How in Dr. James Naismith's name could the NBA pull historically low playoff ratings in 2006-07 and still sign new contracts through 2015-16 with ESPN, ABC and TNT for 20 percent more money per year? (The new deal, announced last week, will pay the league $7.4 billion for eight seasons through 2015-16 compared with $4.6 billion for six seasons ending in 2007-08.)

The short answer is the new iPhone from Apple. That and other new video-tech ways of leveraging content across multiple platforms, allowing viewers to access the NBA on mobile devices, the Internet, broadband and fantasy and video games. Dylan was right: The times, they are a-changin'.

Bill Taaffe is a former award-winning TV-radio sports columnist for Sports Illustrated. His column is published Tuesday. He can be reached at taaffe-reviewjournal@earthlink.net.