No way, Jose: Canseco on new soapbox

Move over, Al Gore. The tree-hugging, heal-the-world crowd has a new hero, and his name is Jose Canseco.

Yes, the same Jose Canseco who cluttered the earth with more dirty needles than the beach outside the "Jersey Shore" house is some sort of a bizarro champion of the environment.

Well, at least he plays one on Twitter.

Canseco's nonsensical ranting began when he posted Sunday on the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic that such a tragedy would have been avoided in today's culture of hyperconsumerism.

"Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved titanic. Sad to say," he posted in what would become a diatribe best detailed by Rob Manker of the Chicago Tribune. "Because we don't recycle and consume like crazy icicles are non existent. Titanic wouldve still existed today."

Apparently unhappy with the response from some of his more than 440,000 followers, Canseco fired back.

"You clowns it's very simple. With global warning the weather is hotter so the icebergs would be melted and titanic saved," he posted. "100 years ago people actually cared about planet and respected nature. Now we can care less and consume energy like it's free."

First of all, can we stop with the "can" care less. What you're trying to say is "couldn't" care less, but let's ignore that for now.

Manker points out that despite glacial melting and rising sea levels attributed by many to global warming, the oceans are far from ice-free. In fact, the article mentions a 2010 ice breakaway scientists say might have been the second biggest of all time.

Facts and science aren't exactly Canseco's thing.

Neither are names. Later in the day, he decided the best way he could help the environment was to do a fundraiser, and what he does best, of course, is comedy.

"Would love to host SNL and would donate pay to greenpeace," he posted. "Does anyone know how to contact Lorne Greene? Please help me make it happen! Hugs."

One only can assume he meant "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels, though who knows with Canseco.

It would be great to see Canseco land the role, however, just so he possibly could get Mark McGwire to make a special appearance and do a "Hans and Frans" parody.

■ THAT'S TOO EASY -- Kentucky scheduled a 2 p.m. news conference Tuesday in Lexington for a quintet of underclassmen to announce their plans for the future in regard to the NBA Draft.

The end result came as little surprise to anyone who follows college basketball as all five players announced they would turn pro.

The only shocking development came a few hours before the scheduled announcement as the school sent out a release that the presser would be moved back five hours for, among other things, academic reasons.

Excuse me?

College basketball scribes and fans alike rushed to Twitter to be the first to crack wise about the laughable statement.

Yahoo's Pat Forde chose to go the subtle route.

"UK moved its five-player presser from 2 to 7. Release says move is partly due to academic schedules. No, really, that's what it says."

COMPILED BY ADAM HILL
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL