Petrino no beacon of integrity

Who was surprised this week when Bobby Petrino's shady side was uncovered by accident? Long before he became Arkansas' football coach, it was established that credibility and honesty were not his finest qualities.

SI.com columnist Andy Staples summed up what earned Petrino the reputation as a phony:

"This is a man who went behind the back of Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich to meet with a headhunting party from Auburn -- a party that was going behind the back of Petrino's former boss, Tommy Tuberville. This is a man who informed his Atlanta Falcons players that he had quit 13 games into his lone season with a 78-word letter posted in the locker room."

Petrino snuck out of the NFL to head for Fayetteville, Ark., where he became a local hero for leading the Razorbacks to a 21-5 record the past two seasons.

But the image improvement he was working on in Arkansas was ruined after his Sunday motorcycle crash, and imitating Evel Knievel and Ben Roethlisberger is the least of his problems.

Petrino lied about being alone on the motorcycle. His passenger was his 25-year-old mistress, Jessica Dorrell, a former Arkansas volleyball player who last month was hired by Petrino as the football program's student-athlete development coordinator.

Dorrell reportedly was engaged, but not to Petrino, who is married. After the school put Petrino on administrative leave Thursday, he said, "My concern was to protect my family and a previous inappropriate relationship from becoming public."

Petrino has something in common with Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino, who survived an embarrassing affair and kept his job. Petrino might not be so lucky, mostly because of his lie.

A potential solution for Petrino can be found on the first page of the Tiger Woods Affair Repair Handbook: Fake remorse, pretend to be the victim of a serious sickness, and check into a sex rehab clinic.

■ THE CUBS' COMIC -- Often a bad joke on the field, it seems appropriate the Chicago Cubs' unofficial mascot is a comedian. But Bill Murray is funny. The Cubs are merely sad.

Murray was selected to throw out the season's first pitch Thursday at Wrigley Field, where the Cubs blew a late lead in a 2-1 loss to the Washington Nationals.

Changing the first-pitch routine, Murray jogged around the bases before sliding into home. The Cubs then decided to put Murray in their bullpen, because at least he can find the plate, unlike Kerry Wood and Carlos Marmol.

■ NO HOLDS BARRED -- Georges St. Pierre, one of the biggest stars in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, signed a sponsorship deal with 888, an online gaming company, and will play in this year's World Series of Poker.

"I have wanted to play poker for a while now as it is a great game of skill," St. Pierre said. "It is not just your cards versus my cards, it is you versus your opponent."

This is an exciting development, only because it raises the possibility St. Pierre could put Phil Hellmuth in a headlock at the poker table.

COMPILED BY MATT YOUMANS
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL