Shaq sounds a little flaky

Shaquille O'Neal, in a shocking development, has admitted on radio that he has taken a performance-enhancing substance.

The substance comes in a brightly colored package and is available to athletes everywhere.

"I've told the world before, only thing I had was Frosted Flakes Super Enhancement Cereal," O'Neal told 790-AM Atlanta. "That's the only thing I've put in my body. Frosted Flakes Athletic Performance Enhancement Cereal. ...

"For all the little kids, the Performance Enhancement Cereal is: You take the Frosted Flakes, and you take the Froot Loops, and you mix them together, and then you get some of them sliced bananas, and you put them on that thing, and then you get a big old bowl ... the kind of bowl if you pull out your mother says, 'Boy, you better put that bowl back!' And then you pour that milk. ... 'You better get a job, eating all that milk.'

" 'Mama, we ain't got no milk.'

" 'Well, you better put some water on that, boy!' "

• MONEY SHOT -- Seventeen years have passed since Christian Laettner made his buzzer-beating jump shot for Duke against Kentucky, and people still are making money off it.

Comcast-Spectacor, which owns the Philadelphia 76ers and the Flyers, is putting up for auction panels of the Spectrum court where Laettner made his famous shot.

Laettner's basket at the buzzer in the 1992 NCAA Tournament helped Duke defeat Kentucky 104-103 and sent the Blue Devils to the Final Four.

For a cheaper price, fans can buy other portions of the court. The Spectrum is scheduled for demolition.

• TOUGH TICKETS -- Take me out to the ballgame? Just fill out this loan application.

Gary Cicio, a New York podiatrist, offered up these two scenarios to see a Mariners-Yankees game in prime seats this season, telling the New York Post:

"Option 1: Two tickets to Tuesday night, June 30, Mariners at Yanks, cost for just the tickets, $5,000.

"Option 2: Two round-trip airline tickets to Seattle, Friday, Aug. 14, return Sunday the 16th, rental car for three days, two-night double-occupancy stay in four-star hotel, two top tickets to both the Saturday and Sunday Yanks-Mariners games, two best-restaurant-in-town dinners for two. Total cost, $2,800.

"Plus-frequent flyer miles."

• LOST IN SPACE -- Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Ocho Cinco -- the former Chad Johnson -- will have "OCHOCINCO" across the back of his jersey this season because he forgot to include the space between words on the form to have his name legally changed in August.

Coincidence? Knucklehead is one word, too.

• JUST NOT A BEER -- David Letterman, on Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton giving the New York University commencement address at new Yankee Stadium:

"She told the grads, 'Work hard. Save your money, and one day you might be able to afford to attend a Yankees game.' "

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